cameron

Recommended Reading:
The Law by Frederic Bastiat

Spiritual Path:
???

Interests:
Love

Creating:
I want to be a politician. Maybe President. I'm still figuring all this out I just know how strong of a connection with nature and with other people I have. I know the feeling of love and how wonderful it is.

Awakening:
I recently had broken up with this girl that I had been dating for 1 year and 8 months. I was rotten to her throughout our relationship. I constantly lied to her about drugs and where I was. I caused much sadness in her life. I was ignorant to my actions; matter of fact I was mad at her for being upset for my lies. Now I never cheated on her, but I had done just about everything else in regards to the lies I told, and in my mind I was a decent boyfriend and I would tell her that I love her and I felt like I meant it. But honestly I didn't know what love was, she reminded me of that continuously. We brake up we and had some good times and we had our UGLY times since we have broken up. It got to the point because I can't, for some reason, just let go of her; I had moved on just I could never pretend as though the last year and 8 months never happened. So we adopted this "lets just be chill" kind of a theme and all we did would tolerate each other and than w stopped talking completely, in that time is when I was beginning to understand and come to the current belief that I have now. I realized what I had done. How I had rejected completely her love and compassion. I had hurt her and I was selfish. I wrote her a text that night 26 pages long trying to explain my remorse as well as my new found belief and connection with the natural order of the world. I portrayed it horribly, of course it was through texting, and so the next morning I got a phone call from her asking what I meant. I tried to explain it over the phone and failed at that as well so I told her that I would come over and explain. I get there and we don't huge she just lets me in and after a brief greeting from her family we decide to go downstairs to discuss my text. I started apologizing, for everything that I had done. I wanted her to feel just how sorry I truly was. She said that she had moved past it and it was okay. I knew that she had not really forgiven me even though she claimed to and manipulated herself into what she thought of as forgiveness when really it was only tolerance. I was reluctant to tell her my beliefs for 2 reasons. 1. I believe that passion comes from discovery and I have found such a wonderful thing that I would not want to risk ruining it for her. 2. I was nervous that she would reject my idea and if she never accepted this idea than I was afraid doubt would set in. She started asking me vague questions and she was justifying my actions as myself doing soul-searching and self realization. I had her narrow the questions down and "what does this sentence in the text mean?" That way I was able to answer easier and it pieced it together. As we continued it started to make sense, she started to realize that what I had written was actually coherent. I explained how I was selfish when we dated and how I didn't know how to love because I didn't love myself I loved MAN-MADE, unimportant distractions that I believed to be important because of how society influences our minds to think that is what we should be after; with full responsibility for my actions and without justification for them and through that I explained my beliefs or a majority of them. However she thought it was still about me. I told her that it was about her. I said I believe in love…true, real, honest and compassionate love with everyone, not just family members or with select friends. She started to understand. I told her that I loved her and I felt horrible for leading credence to these unimportant distractions and how I knew she never really forgave me. I told her that she was right I didn't know what love was and how sorry I was for using and abusing the love that she offered so many times to me. I told her that it this is about her and how she needs to no longer tolerate me and my past actions but accept them and accept me along with all of my imperfections. I told her that her doing that would make her stronger and would cement the new beliefs she had just gained. She thought and she had some tears and she said that she never realized that she didn't ever really forgive me. She told me that what I had done made it so that she always had her guard up and she started to feel numb to the world, to her life. She said that she forgave me and I could tell by the stress of her voice that she was telling the truth you could see the almost immediate release of that and she had almost a golden glow about her. I said thank you and I smiled I hugged her and I said that the betterment for herself increased my beliefs and in the end helped me grow. I went on to explain that love is the key to unlocking our connection with nature and the order of the world. How if we love everyone (I mean LOVE everyone) we can love ourselves, how if we celebrate our differences and achievements than we can be proud of our differences instead of hide them and grow from our achievements. I explained how an individual's own personal growth actually helps society grow and becomes a perfectly "imperfect utopia" Perfection is only achieved through freedom. She realized and we just sat there holding each other. It was the first time I was able to separate "lust" from "love" in my entire life. I knew that what I felt was untainted and authentic.