Ownership Before Change

We all encounter negative situations from time to time. At first, we may do our best to ignore them. Eventually, we try to overcome them. Sometimes we’re successful. At other times, we struggle. Sometimes we run away, only to have the same situation pop up in a different guise all over again. It seems that the solution to some issues perpetually eludes us. And so we may resign ourselves to that particular set of life circumstances.

There is a key ingredient to creating real and lasting change that we may be missing out on: Taking ownership. With every unpleasant situation we encounter, we must ask ourselves why we may have attracted it into our lives. Often, what we are experiencing now is the manifestation of a mechanism that we ourselves created. These are programs and patterns of thought or emotion that once upon a time served us well, but now have no place in our lives.

Someone may, for example, set up a pattern of emotional distance in their adolescence. Perhaps this person feels overwhelmed, or is hurt from caring too much about what others think. This pattern keeps him safe from emotional harm, even though it also created a sense of separation from others, and, eventually, himself. But it serves its purpose and makes his teenage years bearable. In adulthood, however, he has issues with emotional intimacy and an inability to “feel” his own truth. This manifests itself in unsatisfying relationships and a lack of purpose. The pattern that once served this person has become an obstacle on his path.

These patterns are like pleasant guests you invite for the weekend. They’re helpful or entertaining for a while. But then they start making themselves at home and redecorating the guest room. Eventually, they take over the whole house!

If you are struggling against negative life circumstances and can’t seem to create change, try out this process in order to find your ownership within the situation.

1. What is the energetic essence of the situation? If you had to boil this difficulty down to one single word, how would you best describe it? Is it urgency? Removal? Distance? Lack? Disempowerment? Take some time to find the word or short phrase that really captures the fundamental nature of the situation.

2. How could this have served you in your life previously? Whether two years ago or ten years ago, at some point you invited this energy into your life. If the situation is now disempowerment, perhaps it really served you in your early professional life to let someone else take the lead. If the situation is now urgency, perhaps this served you as a motivational tool five years ago.

3. Create a mental picture of the pattern you created. It could take the form of a person, a cartoon character, or a mythical creature. You have already given it substance unconsciously – now have a good look at it. This can be a fun little exercise, as you recognize how much power you’ve given this little “gremlin” of yours.

4. Take ownership. Tell your gremlin that you created it, for whatever reason you’ve discovered. Thank it for its service and tell it that it is no longer a necessary or desirable presence in your life. Then dismiss it, watching it dissipate in your mind’s eye.

We cannot only claim ownership for the wonderful things that happen to us. If we are responsible for creating the good, we are equally responsible for creating the negative. We cannot change what we do not acknowledge as being our own creation. It can be uncomfortable to take ownership of financial loss, health issues, or relationship woes. But acknowledging our part in creating the situation at hand empowers us towards consciously creating a situation that truly serves us on our path.

Blessings,
Andrea