"Betwixt and between" (my Higher Self describes a personal change)

(my real name is Annie)

"Betwixt and between" 7 AM Tuesday August 7 2007

From my Higher Self:

Annie wants to attempt to blog about her changes, but I suggested I do it instead, because she woke up in such a floaty state this morning. By floaty I mean she doesn't know where she is. The change she noticed this morning, but the noticing went in one ear and out the other -- is that when she woke up and began the familiar litany of attacking her self -- noticing how messy her room is, or worrying about how she will pay her bills, instead of making a big production about it -- or more accurately, taking the first few steps towards making a big production of it, starting to move in for the kill -- she stopped after the first 4 steps. She actually dropped it!! For the first time ever. She did this both times -- the two things she was going to berate herself about. Both times she dropped it after it started up.

And because she is on this forum and wants to notice changes as they arrive, so she can share them, she did think to herself "I wonder if the huge cement wall of my self-hatred is crumbling."

Altho I will talk about what this means for Annie, all minds are connected. So altho she may notice changes, and others may not notice them, the same changes are happening to all.

And yes the huge block of cement of self hatred is crumbling. It is a wall which is crumbling. So let's look at this carefully, each aspect. First of all, what is a wall. It is to keep something out. So the wall stood between Annie and her love of herself. It kept out love. And yes it was a wall of attacking herself. Its modus vivendi was to make huge production about little things. As if it is the crime of the century that her room is a mess. But it doesn't bother her that her room is a mess, so who else is there for it to offend. She won't let go of the idea that it’s wrong for her room to be such a mess -- which is OK she doesn't have to change her viewpoint on everything she does "wrong" -- the so-called "cause" for berating herself -- because it is as if the "waters" are rising in her mind. Instead of her being way down below, and a huge solid wall rising high up in front of her -- the rising "waters" have lifted her to another point. Which I would describe as eye level to the top of the wall.

This is why after the first few steps into berating herself, she let it go. What happens is she looked over the wall. She was at the top. So her mind took in two things at once. First she saw the wall and then she saw past it, the wall could not obstruct all of her view. And that is exactly what she did. She went into berating mood, but 5 thoughts into it, she just looked past it. It stopped being there. And it happened a second time too, when she thought of something to berate herself for. A few thoughts into it, and she just looked past it.

And altho these weren't her words, it was the gist of her thought, my my my the big solid awful bogeyman wall isn't such a solid wall after all. What she felt, altho she wasn't aware of it was freedom. Because that wall was such a prison her whole life. And she knew there were chinks in it letting in light.

And she knew this was another nice development in the big shift happening now

God bless you all
All my love, Annie's Higher Self