Being Nice to Ourselves

(Lulu's note) EarthAngel linked to Gloria's blog and I clicked it on and found this, I like it very much and I want to share it, Love, Lulu

Wanting Freedom So Bad
by Gloria Wendroff,
Iowa, USA

I grew up in New England, where there is a strong work ethic, high standards, high sense of morals and effort and right conduct.

Recently I find that I don’t want to do anything that I don’t want to do. On the contrary, I want to do just as I like. No restrictions. Right now I feel much more like someone born on the beaches of California rather than in staid New England.

At first when I started feeling rebellious, I thought I was going through a delayed adolescent stage.

But now I wonder if God is finally getting through to me. After so many years of Godwriting, maybe, just maybe, some of what God says is really clicking in.

Still, I have to hesitate in posting this blog. I mean I could be going to the dogs, and I don’t want to steer anyone wrong.

Here are some of my recent symptoms:

I don’t want to take another vitamin.

I want to put lots of honey in my tea.

I want to eat what I feel like eating whenever I feel like it.

Suddenly I don’t want to do anything that is supposed to be good for me.

I don’t want to try to be perfect anymore. I want to be imperfect. I want to be lazy. I want to Godwrite all day long. I don’t want to see another bill. I don’t want to even think about money.

And I don’t want to resist one more thing. I want to be laid-back, easy-going, unruffled.

Have I turned into a hippie? Am I changing from Type A personality to Type B?

Although I am unsure of all my new irresponsible laissez-fair thinking — how long will it last? — how long can I last? –there is also definitely something else going on that I am sure is from God. Maybe there is a correlation. Maybe, just maybe, for this new great breakthrough to arise, I had to unbend the strict rules that I grew up with and held onto for so many years.

Here’s the unquestionably good thing I am noticing now:

I talk more nicely to myself. Maybe that doesn’t sound like much, but, to me, it’s HUGE.

I am embarrassed to say that, in the past, I have spoken to myself unkindly.

I often overheard myself speaking to myself without respect, saying things like: “Gloria, you idiot, you numbskull, you dodo…”

In contrast, the other morning when I woke up early, I heard myself saying to myself:

“It’s okay, honey. You can go back to sleep.”

I called myself Honey! How marvelous is that!