09 About Myself

If you want real communication, then the starting point must be yourself. Once you have investigated deep inside and found out what is lying there, then the moment to share that with others has come. Remember: Be honest! You saw that through becoming slow, you observe yourself and after some time you will come to know your ”stories”.

The man who does not like somebody, says “no” to him, that’s me! I will tell you now the next step this man will do and I write from experience. That man knows how much he is hurt by a “no” from another person, and as he is a good person, he makes a vow to himself: “I will never hurt anybody!” This vow I made in my childhood brought me in enormous difficulties. How could I ever create a place in this world for myself? I was constantly avoiding conflicts; I did not want to fight. Live is a struggle and if we are not struggling then we are cut out of life.

I can imagine that I was defeated, so much defeated that I did not want to fight anymore. One aspect of my experience is my extreme stubbornness and the next one was a physical trauma, which brought me completely out of balance. I had headaches and migraine all my life.

There is more: such a behavior is a disaster. I always wanted to please others, and as we are living in an ego centered and materialistic world, this behavior is not normal according to the average person. Everybody was thinking that I was not normal or simply stupid. Who wants to relate with a mad or stupid person? I was cut out! The only way out was to go in. In such a situation, where nobody wanted to relate with me, what I did? I related to myself!! And that is the place where I got all my strengths in life. In early childhood when I was introduced to that inner world, there was nobody around me, who could reach there? I was alone! What to do? Make the best out of the situation. Enjoy your inner world and disconnect with the outer. So with this my apparently wrong behavior brought me big benefits. I could see things most other humans could not see.

Somehow I lost that connection, but it came up in my dreams from time to time. I could see a treasure of gold and jewels and always the treasure was hidden so much that I could not find it. NOW I FOUND IT! I finally can reconnect to that! That magical world where the outside has no influence at all. I am lost in my world. I am aware of everything: every sound, every item in the room, all the colors, I feel clearly about the energies inside and outside the room and how they continuously harmonize each other. Then I am aware of my body and how it is still and steady. My legs and feet feel like steal. I am aware of my watching, breathing, typing, listening, getting distracted, getting attracted! The inner melts with the outer. Here I feel ONE. And now I understand Donald Epstein’s teaching about: LIVE YOUR DREAM; DON’T LOOSE YOUR LIFE DREAMING (something like that).

The conclusion: I lost that magic connection somewhere in childhood. Somehow the outer problems became bigger and bigger and then I got lost…… Nothing to write about that, quite everybody is lost in the world today!

I realized my situation when I was 36 years old. The situation was bad and got worse. I had a girlfriend and she told me: you are not normal, go and see a psychologist. I believed her and I also wanted to save the relationship, so I took the phone and called Dr. Turri, an old man of 76 years. For the first time in my life I could speak my truth. Hours and hours I explained him in great details about my inner and outer life. It was a great relief.

Quickly after I started yoga and reiki and came also in contact with an Indian teacher with the name Yogiji. I discovered Energy work and was fascinated. Finally I knew what the purpose of my life was: Working with Energies! First of all I had to change my energy, and once I could change that, and then everything changes.

I learnt many techniques from Yogiji, but I could not apply them, because I was very stiff and my Nervous System was very weak at that time. Years after the exercises and techniques I learnt came out naturally and I could feel the Energy; that is because my Nervous System became flexible enough and my innate intelligence made me connect to that Energy spontaneously.

When I met Dominique Hort, chiropractic doctor, in Lugano, Switzerland everything changed. He discovered that I had a neurological disharmony; the coordination of my movements was not proper. After a few treatments of Kinesiology I felt like my mind was opening. The physical block created a big block in the brain also and I was completely stuck for many years. Then when Dominique brought “Network Chiropractic” to Lugano I was one of his best clients. After every session some opening happen and after 3 years my nervous system was much more flexible.

I can imagine that my heart chakra opened so much and that I had unlimited trust in Yogiji. When he offered me a new life in India I quickly agreed. I had no doubt, I was blind, and I gave him a lot of money. Unfortunately or maybe fortunately he was not the great master I wanted him to be. When I built a nice yoga hall and apartment for me and Shoshana he could not hold his jealousy anymore. He became extremely nasty and did everything to throw us out. When I realized that I was fouled, my fighting spirit came back. It took me long time, but when it is enough it is enough, there is a limit for everything!

Now I am living here in the Centre of Light (before Kripalu Yoga Ashram) since 4 years and my main occupation is to in tune my Energy. Basically I do yoga/stretching, dance and take massage. Two years ago, one evening, when I was listening to a CD called “Osho Dynamic Meditation” my class “Energy Network” was born. Since then I am practicing a lot. Shoshana my wife is giving me a great support, we love each other very much and share and grow together. With a partner who is doing the same it is 100 % easier. How could I survive in India alone?

What about my problem? You remember the man who cannot accept “no”? Now I am able to express how I feel, it doesn’t matter if I hurt somebody. I speak my own truth and when the voice comes from that place everybody understands.

I EXPRESS EXACTLY WHAT I LIKE AND ALSO I EXPRESS EXACTLY WHAT I DO NOT LIKE!

My clarity is so strong that nobody can resist and it gives people around me the opportunity to open to their truth also. My stubbornness is changed into determination.

Now I am 51 and happier then ever in life. I found myself. I found the inner world I was so much connected when I was a child.

Now a further realization comes to me: I kept the focus on myself, but now becoming a teacher the situation changes. The focus is on the other, but by never losing the contact to myself. I do not get lost into the other! I keep my Energy! I am aware of both myself and the others too.

22.06.06 the Centre of Light

20.07.07 The fight with Yogiji is still going on… Since I connected to www.lightworker.org I am again transformed; finally I am able to share my truth with many other humans. I like to share everything about myself and the universe in return is giving me so many blessings. I am so grateful to be alive at this exiting moment in history and so grateful to be part of you all.

P.S. you find Dr. Donald Epstein on the site www.donaldepstein.com; and if you know Italian then please have a look at Dr. Dominique Hort’s site www.carpediemvitae.com.

I recommend everybody to take treatments of NSA Network Spinal Analysis (before it was
called Network Chiropractic)