so it seems...

so it seems, things like purpose should be a private thing to some extent, a bit like how in the real world people do not voice their spirituality. i have sat iwth it for a day and have come to this site and well, i just kind of get the feeling i should write about it here, so again here goes!

oh, first i have to digress a bit.
of the angels around me who i can sense, there are metaron, mary, jesus, rochel, chamuel, recently uriel, and as i often call him, michael. they are even always standing in the same general place. i have found that any question i pose is answered tremendously quickly, like in a day, and also that i seem to be getting a bit psychic (i keep guessing correctly what colours people are wearing scarily accurately)! my hearing has become more sensitive and i notice i hear ringing sounds, what i see in my meditations i consider real, and best of all, every time an angel joins me i cannot help shuddering! thats really interesting for me because ive never felt things working like this before. anyway, so.

so i was with my dear healer, and it seems we hit upon what my purpose this life is! it seems that i am supposed to protect childrens souls. thats pretty cool. after reading a bit about the cool new souls coming through, and seeing how children are currently generally treated, as well as looking back at my own painful experience growing up, i think thats a pretty awesome job^^.
its funny though, it had already come up in a meditation with uriel beforehand, but as i didnt get the usual firecracker-excited feelings of passion in my heart, it didnt flash out at me. so i had written it down, a bit excited and intrigued at the time. perhaps because children = school for me, and i detest the institution as i know it. but when i take the idea once again, and focus on it, roll it around in my mind and see how it fits in my heart, it is solid and warm. exciting, but in a totally secure-feeling way...(i wonder if this is what its like falling in love).
so yeah, i have accepted, of course - thats actually kind of funny, i contracted myself for this and im accepting because i dont even remember lol talk aout serious amnesia- and now i am sitting with it, and getting used to it consciously...maybe the reason why i decided to write it here is to help in this process, just as it helped when i wrote about realising my being an angel.

i was told that the most imortant thing always, is to look after myself first, and the higher beings will take care of the rest. my body, my thoughts, my emotions, my energy, my spirit, and to pay attention to what my intuition tells me.

its funny because recently, im not only becoming practically vegetarian again, but i really crave organic food all the time! i was actually feeling bad for indulging as its expensive, but luckily my healer put things in perspective and reminded me that thats the way that all food should be! lol, how true...though i know when something feels right, ive also been trained for years to think that authority or the masses are right. haha, need to get used to listening to myself!

so that was yesterday. 28 years of living on earth, of which 14 years were of pursuing happiness and purpose, of which 14 months were affected by chronic depression and the aftermath, of which one month ago was remembering im an angel - it seems to have revealed itself. so yeah, just wanted to share that happy news (its not very big yet, very tentative!)...so im trying to be aware of it, and look after myself physically and energetically^^. that actually takes quite a bit of conscious energy you know! (ha, well you probably DO know!)

and since this, i havent been able to get out of the house enough! dont know if thats related but.
and today, for the first time since breaking up and getting severe depression 14 months ago, my heart pushed up a new little baby shoot! hehe. well its like, not true love or anything, but its a stirring feeling in my heart which makes me feel so human all of a sudden! heehe (well actually im not sure if thats exaclty how it feels, but thats the closest i can think of right now). its fun - its not often that i will like someone as well as respect and admire how they think and act, as well as their personality and spirit - so i think that is what has tickled me about this guy. well, he has a girlfriend i suspect, so i will like him in secret lol. and also because i believe in love at first sight which this wasnt. i hope one day that time might slow or even stop still, when light might surround us and the earth may jolt when i meet my partner in arms. anyway. my heart budding romantically again...thats a kind of springtime which is also cause for a bit of celebration i thought^^heehe~.

i was thinking about it on the drive home, these fluttery feelings, and its funny, i think i actually love my friends more. i love them. i find it hard to trust them, as i would end up relying on them and i have learned hard lessons on being attached to people, but i love them. and i know its probably not a very evolved thing to feel, but i realised just how often i get jealous over my friends, compared to past lovers! thats odd by standard terms maybe. but i love that i love my friends like i do. and that, as i read on an article here, that i feel much like a guardian in a way to them. i have read here and there about new kinds of relationships - well i was wondering how that would work out romantically, but i guess the answer has shown itself this way. i love both girl and boy friends (which led me to wonder for ages on and off about which gender i was attracted to), but the reality is gender doesnt seem to matter to me, nor (for now at least) relationships. what does matter is that i love souls i think...

well, this life im living is really quite a work in progress but it really gives me much joy that i can share things and ponder things aloud to a community of people who understand what it is i try to say.
heehe, thats it.
lots of love ever expanding into light i love you all