an angel remembers

first blog~
this is exciting~!heehee.
well, hmm, i feel obliged to say what i posted on a forum for clarity...but i feel funny repeating myself...oh well. here goes^^
to introduce myself properly...a little bit at least...

i live in new zealand, with my family who is japanese. i grew up here though we used to go back to japan. we grew up, therefore, with no particular religion, though some shinto and buddhist practices are woven into cultural celebrations like weddings, funerals and seasonal festivals. new zealand is very laxed in terms of religious or philosophical beliefs as far as countries go, so i think ive grown up in a pretty open, accepting environment. ive always been interested in the unseen and the spiritual..and was always envious of my dad and his side of the family because they could see spirits.
i discovered a couple of years ago, that i can sense them too, to my delight^^. though often the feeling is not really that welcoming, to say the least!

ive been on a rock and roll journey with spirituality - i had it, then i lost it at an early age after some trauma involving friends, then i worked my way back to learning about being in the moment, that Now Is, and what Is, is unconditional love. but then, apparently i hadnt learned enough, and a bout of depression got me learning even more. i am learning about the intricacies of the universe as it is in this way of perceiving it, whereas before i was just using the idea just to live a happy life. im enjoying this learning very much, as i come to understand myself more, am better at recognising other people like me as well as why things are as they are, or why things happen like they do. and the more i learn the more i realise i know nothing! which is really quite humbling and amusing~! i love that this realisation has finally made me realise that i can never counsel anyone else; everybody has only their experience; therefore we all totally equal and living and creating our universe.

also, the other day, i remembered that i am an angel. yes...its a pretty big claim to make...and it`s only gradually getting easier for me to write this. i know i wouldnt have really believed anyone that said this had it been two weeks ago, so. it was during healing that i suddenly felt wings on my back. big white feathery ones, which, though i waited for them to pass like other images often do, didnt. ive never really believed in angels as separate beings in themselves; more as a concept or a way of looking at the essence of something..so it was a sudden shift for me to have to take, let alone think that i was one! i finally realised that this is who i am, more with my body than my head - my body knew, i just started crying and couldnt stop for a long time. but yeah, after posting a forum here, and having told two very close open friends, one who was totally accepting and cool about it, and the other accepting (which is fair enough, as i would have reacted with a fair bit of cynicism had it been a before this!).

these wings are cool though, heehee! now that im getting used to the idea mentally, im discovering little things moment by moment! first, they fade in my awareness, but then zap back when im meditating, in a meditative or happy mood! and first they were just folded and i couldnt move them, but these last couple of days, they`ve spread out sometimes! im also finding it difficult to sleep on my back like i have always done - its just suddenly really uncomfortable! thats so funny~
also, though i have always been into blue, i feel like my dominent colour as an angel is not blue but pink. i have a feeling my being is strong in heart and love~ so ive always sent much love out to all people ive known and strangers too, but i feel justified in giving out even more now~ya~y!!! so sending you lots of sparkling beautiful pink clear love and energy! heehee!

what else. hmm. angle guides. wow...theres lots of information on angels, some of which contradict, so its a bit confusing! im following my intuition mainly, steering towards what feels right! but for the first time in my life this last week, ive been in touch with many lovely angels who have been with me all along, and i have finally acknowledged them and sort of met them. archangel michael, metatron, jesus, mary and rochel. they are all lovely~!!! i know there are some others whom im yet to meet and acknowledge, yay~ looking forward to it!

plus though i have never really dreamed much at all (i can count the number of dreams i have even been vaguely able to remember on two hands! in my whole 28years of living!) last night/this morning i think i had my first message-dream. the quality of the dream was just different to usual, and i actually willed myself to wake up so i could write this anagram down...which ive never done before. its another subject that i know barely anything about, but which i am curious about learning!

as for a job...well now i am more positive that i will do something to do with who i really am. though i am not sure of it right now, im still healing from a pretty emotionally taxing period, so i hope that when i am ready, the way will show itself. my healer gave me a lovely perfect little analogy when i expressed my uncertainty here - that finding and following purpose is like boarding a train and letting it go where it needs to. but to get to the station, i have to follow the signs. the signs are the intuitive impulses i get, and while they begin small and seemingly random, they will eventually get bigger and brighter and clearer. heehee, well that was totally off on a tanget, but perhaps you`ll like it too.

okey doke! so, i very much look forward to sharing more thoughts and experiences with you, and wish you, whereever you are right now, loads of love, joy, and a couple of sparkles to come out and surprise you through your day!