Rats on the rail road

A few of the things in my dreams were discussed yesterday but a lot of this dream was just too unexplainable, leaving me in tears and appologising for my actions to my boyfriend.. if anyone has any ideas would be great as all i can find in them are bad omens! Thanks!

The dream started with a journey to a goddess festival and searching for the woman who runs it, i was with friends (who i'd dreamt of the other day and then she had gotten in contact with me) and we were travelling in almost like an open aircraft.. but mostly seats? We speedily floated across fields but it was a compleatly different festival to the one i knew, it didnt have a fantastic air about it and we distrusted the people who ran it, so we went by foot and ended up near train tracks and were looking for food, eventually we came across hundreds and hundreds opf brown rats on the train tracks, and outdoor parties on what looked like they used to be 'stations' there were little lanterns outside and the ticket offices looked like bars, we went to get drinks and started to cook the rats for food in foil on a rubbish can bbq.

I then bumped into this horrid old woman with white grey hair, who i recognised (not in the real world just in dream world) and I wanted to kill her with all my might because she was one of the most ugly and nasty person I had ever met for the way she spoke to us, and i pushed her against a door frame, and kept trying to beat her with a green glass beer bottle and with each hit i tried it was as if someone was holding my arm, or some force prevented it from coming down and on the third time i forced against that.. force.. and bumped her on the back of the head causing her to fall down. I immediatly felt bad and guilty for what i did, but she woke up smiling in a girls arms and saying how good she felt, and asking where 'ben' was (who happens to be my boyfriends uncle who in real life has passed on many years ago)she had amnesia and had forgotten all about her husband and son who had died, and my boyfriend was dragging me away because we needed to go to the wedding.

I was really confused because i didnt know who's wedding it was, and it was outside a cathedral with a couple of childrens play parks, we went into the bigger one and everyone was sat down dressed for a weedding waiting for the bride and groom to come out, listening to radios and watching their kids play on the climbing frames, but when i sat down i noticed there was such a lot of mud, and everyone was covered in it.
Then the bride and groom came down the path with all their wedding congregation and then it all turned into the 'goddess festival'
except its the wierd festival again, but its more like a circus and they give everyone blakc knives with purple handles and get them to throw them into the ground with their eyes close, i think im gonna hit my toes but i do it and it stays in the mud standing upright, and my boyfriend does it but it falls over.

I wake up crying appologising for leaving my boyfriends grandmother to find out her family are dead.

.....

What on earth????