Emotional Blocks..

Not often am I depressed, most of the time i'm enthusiastic, happy, and ecstatic.

However, I feel like a long time ago I was mortally wounded, I used to percieve love in it's entirity, now it's more like a distant memory..

Whenever I get into conflicts with people and we exchange aggressions, there at times can be this deep yearning inside of me that wants to cry for a long time, and let out so much old pain and mistrust.

But why is it down there? Why is it so solidified in my being? Why wont it go away like it used to? Why can't I just cry like a baby anymore... I don't get it, it bothers me :(

I've been on st johns wort for a while now, I'm pretty happy, but I don't feel connected to source like I used to be.

I just don't get it, can anyone help me.