Problems Hearing My Guides - Past Lives That Interfere

I WON A LW AUCTION FOR BODDIES MAP. THEY ARE AN ARTISTIC RENDERING THAT SHOW THE SUBTLE BODIES. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE, CHECKOUT THE PREVIOUS AUCTIONS.

THE PICTURES I RECEIVED INCLUDED 2 PAST LIVES. CAROL SAID IT IS UNUSUAL FOR HER TO GET PAST LIVES WHEN SHE DOES THIS.

THIS BLOG IS IN RESPONSE TO EMAIL FROM CAROL, ASKING WHAT I REMEMBER OF PAST LIVES, EXTRA SOULS I BROUGHT WITH ME, AS THE PICTURES I RECEIVED INDICATE THAT THERE IS PAST LIFE ENERGY THAT IS INTERFERING WITH MY CURRENT INCARNATION. 

BUT IT IS SO INVOLVED I DECIDED TO PLACE IT IN MY BLOG FOR MY FURTHER GROWTH. AS ALWAYS, I WELCOME COMMENTS AND INSIGHTS(only if you read all the way through, though AND  all my responses). :-)

EDIT 4-21           4-22 (see the bottom)
You may not believe that this is necessary for me (to know about these past lives). However, it is true for me and that is good enough for me. I leave you to your own path.

===============================================

Last year, I had a "spiritual response therapy" clearing. It consists of dowsing, using the high self and charts. The high self looks into the akashic records and directs what issues need to be cleared to bring the soul to "godhead level", meaning that they no longer need to reincarnate. Anyway, upon consulting the therapist, I received the following:

Needless to say, I questioned the validity of that many extra souls, but decided to go ahead with the clearing. I noticed immeditiate changes to the swelling in my feet and did notice a little less pressure in the chest, but I still could not take a deep breath. I had not been able to take a deep breath in at least one year, possibly as much as 4. The swelling came back within a day, but the depression I felt for most of my life and certainly the last 7 years, began to lift, slightly. That was about it. I felt so much guilt and wasn't sure why. The therapist did some more clearing, but it did not seem to help. I just KNEW that this was something that COULD help me, but it wasn't going to be through this man. I needed to learn this process. I felt like there was much more to do, but it was going to be too expensive, so I ordered the books from the web site of the man who developed the process.

 After the books came, it was like I was born to do this. I began spending 8-10 hours a day dowsing and clearing, not just myself, but for others, too. Sloppy, too, without folowing the protocol. Still, it seemed to be working. During one clearing, my breath came back and I was instantly able to take a deep breath again. I have been able to breathe deeply since and what a blessing. That all by itself, was worth the 55 dollars I paid for the books.

I began to see visions of things in past lives, too. 
I saw a woman having a stone lowered onto her chest, to extract a confession (for witchcraft, I believe). She died from the weight of the stone, and the man was angry.  I said "did she tell?". No, was the response. "Good!" I said. I thought I might be the man who did it, but I think either I was the woman, or a friend/relative  of hers that observed it all.
I also saw a LOT of torture and sexual abuse. It was not always easy to watch. 
During most of these, I actually thought that I was the terrible person who was doing all of these things.
Sometimes, I was a psychic, other times a healer, often in trouble because people were afraid..

One day I asked about the 8240 extra souls and was told that yes, they were real and did come with me into this lifetime and that they were gone now. I wanted to know why I brought them and where they came from. I was shown a man looking out of a room that had columns on each side and flowing sheer draperies and there as a woman there. He was a king or head of a big community. It was very much like something from a roman movie. He was having all of these people killed. It was horrible, either crucifiction or something like it. I also got that they were opened up in the abdomen(but I am not sure if that part is true). It was the most horrible thing I ever saw. I cried and cried. I thought I did this and my ego answered yes. It was too horrible to bear. I thought that I was that man who ordered the killing. I believe it had something to do with religion, but I still don't know. I only know it was before the time of Jesus. I really don't even know if it was here on Earth, but I believe so.

I also told my husband about it and he said it just was not possible. I told him I SAW IT, that it DID happen and that I WAS responsible. I cried again, so sad, believing that I am such a horrible being. Well, I dealt with it. I knew that many people have done horrible things in the past and that did not make this life's path dark. They learned from those experiences and moved on.
So, I kept clearing, but made a contract with my group not to show me any more detail than was absolutely necessary for my own spiritual growth. It was just  too painful. So, many of the visions stopped, but they began to show me new things. They showed me how to use the crystal pendulum to identify blockages and how to clear them, automatic writing and dowsing pages of my book for words so that they could speak to me. It was all really neat for a few days. Then, I think my ego began to run the show more and more.  I was feeling so special. The messages were being colored by the ego. Did I have a special purpose? Oh yes! I was going to be a channel. Oh, Goodie! I was on the "savior" path, one of the hardest. I was going to save the world. I even questioned if I was the Christ, once or twice, but soon understood that this was not the case. I was going to have a special child that was going to save the world. I wanted a baby so much, but felt that was not to be. I did not deserve to have a child and I was too old. There was also a lot of pain and I was getting negative messages about "unwillingness to take responsibility" and "unwillingness to learn" and blocks at the "level of the council of nine". I must have picked up another entity or my ego became afraid of where this was all going, because I began to get some very bad information. I got straightened out that my guides were 100% loving and that anything other than that was not my guides. I just did not know how to proceed from here. 

I knew that I needed some help with learning this, but it was going to be too expensive to fly out to Seattle and stay for a week, just to be taught correctly and I KNEW my husband would never agree to this expense. Frankly, I think it scares the begeeses out of him. So, I figured there had to be a way for me to learn at a distance, but still have the support of a teacher, so I really learn to help people and could get answers to questions that popped up. This lead me to my current teacher Andrea. She teaches "Soul realignment", which also uses dowsing and some charts, but mostly questions. Also, it is very different from Spiritual Response, but I can see that they would be complimentary. 

Well, Andrea's class was a 10 week distance course and I would be able to do soul clearings professionally when I was done. This would be perfect for me. I had already shut down my business because it was not making me happy anymore and was back on track. I knew I still needed to have income potential and helping others the way that I had been seemed perfect. 

Andrea checked to make sure that this was in full alignment with my highest path and purpose before I began the course, and all was good. I found 6 people who would be my guinea pigs for the duration of the course. The only problem was I no longer got consistent answers with dowsing. I would question each response I got, because I was SO AFRAID of having the wrong answer. I COULD NOT BE WRONG AT ANY COST. This was abundantly clear to me and I felt so worthless. Andrea said that EVERBODY gets accurate answers the first time, but here I was not. What was wrong with me?? Finally, after I received an email asking how things were going, I told her. We made an appointment to talk on the phone and I called.

Andrea said that many people have trouble when they first begin. Here I thought I was the only one. I told Andrea about my previous work with SRT and about the bad information I had received and that I no longer communcated with my guides in the same way. Now, it was only me talking to them, I did not use a pendulum or automatic writing or anything any more. I was afraid of getting the wrong answers. I also told Andrea about the 8240 souls and she balked. She said "hang on, let me talk with your guides". So she talks to them while we are on the phone and says, yes, you did have these souls with you. I told her it was because I  killed them all and she said NO. She said you are Mintakan and Mintakans are 100% aligned with light. It is not possible that you did this. I said, but I did. I saw it all.

So she talks some more with them and says that I was working as an oracle, and that the man was who I thought.   He came to me for advice, but came disguised not telling me who he was. He asked me a question and I answered 100% accurately. It was my answer that prompted him to kill all of those people. I just did not realize who he was and why he was asking. So, even though that carried some karma with it, it had been paid a long time ago. That life was 18 lifetimes ago, and it hurt so deeply that I carried that karma with me through every lifetime. I never wanted to make that mistake again.

What a relief it was to know that I did not kill all those people. Death has been a big deal in my life and I have accepted responsibility for the death of pets and people, when it was not mine. I felt responsible for EVERYONE. My mom said I was like Atlas, trying to hold the entire world on my shoulders. I just did not know how to do anything else.

Andrea also told me that I have LOTS of experience in the 3rd Order. This is a level of Spirit that helps others cross over. She said I had so much experience that I actually lived one life as a priestess and she could see people bringing their dead to me and literally laying them at my feet, so I could help them cross over. I told her that an astrologer once told me that I have a natural ability with healing and helping people to cross over and that this was why he felt I was here. Andrea said, no that is past, that I am here to teach, actually to be a teacher of teachers. I thought that was funny, because Grandma was a teacher and was always disappointed that my sister and I were not. We told her that we are teachers, just not the way she thinks, lol.

So, now Andrea and I think everything is ironed out and I can continue on with my class. Wrong.

I wait a week or so, because I am still a little unsure, then I begin again. I start fresh, new profile sheets for everyone. The same problems pops up. I begin questioning whether my answers are correct and I get a new answer or my pendulum starts vibrating. So, I try again, but it is hopeless. Inside, I feel that the answers are wrong. I feel so insecure. So, finally after another 2 months, I email Andrea with this issue again and we make another appointment to talk.

First, she thinks that it is just my ego getting in the way, because it is afraid of my soul growth and is throwing a tantrum. I tell her that I cannot afford to be wrong, that being wrong equals death for me. I tell her I also feel it is because I don't feel I deserve to have this power. Finally, she talks to my guides again and finds that there is another past life involved. This one is where something terrible happened and I was blamed. She said that I accepted that blame as the truth, but it was not the truth and I was NOT to blame. She asked my guides if we needed to know the details and was given a "no" answer. She did ask how long ago this was and was told it was 30 lifetimes ago and carried all the way, since then. Andrea asked me if I could recognize that I am an incredible being of light, 100% aligned with light, always since the first incarnation? I told her, I wasn't sure, I had done some terrible things in this life. She said that I could never have intentionally hurt anyone, and  to sit with that and let it sink in. Then, she told me not to worry about how long it takes and that many people have stuff come up during the class, as it brings up issues that need to heal for our continued growth. She gave me more advice about the dowsing and we ended the call.

I seem to carry my rocks in the backpack for a very long time (30 lifetimes),  and I thought Grandma was the only rock polisher in the family, lol. 

I think my guides did not tell Andrea the details of the lifetime from 30 lifetimes past, so that I would have to find the answer elsewhere. Perhaps, so that I would meet someone else who would enlighten me on this, I don't know.

So there we have 3 lifetimes that I have limited knowledge of, plus my path just in the last year. I have been climbing this hill for most of my life, but since the original clearing last year and all the subsequent work, the pack gets lighter and lighter. I just want to find a way to communicate with my guides again. I cannot hear them and this bothers me terribly. I KNOW that I should be able to hear them, but it has been blocked, possibly by me, and it has something to do with past lives.. 

=========================================

EDIT 4-22
It only just dawned on me.... These past lives that I had where I was the oracle and the life that was 30 lifetimes ago, these lives were cleared of all karma, from the record. I don't know why I didn't mention this when I posted the blog.
~
So, it was not about feeling bad about what happened any more. It was about learning about these lives and how they might be interfering, yet, because of some fear that is somehow linked to something in this life.
Please, don't feel sorry for me, I am fine, just trying to understand is all. My thanks, to Silverleaf for her blog on shadow selves and Justenjoy for his video.

Please note, that my view of things has changed much, since last June. I understand that we are all one and that some of us are more aligned with dark, than light, but they are still a part of us. I also believe that love is all there is. These are all my conscious beliefs. There are still many misbeliefs hidden in the recesses which is why I need to learn more about these lives. Reframing my metaphor for climbing this big hill wouldn't hurt either.  I also believe that channeling is in my path, but I do not want to do that until I can be a clear channel. There is so much misinformation that is coming through these days, because the channels are not clear enough and still have much work to do.

I welcome all comments and insights, either here or through private messages. Much love to all here, and an extra bucket full to anyone who was curious and patient enough to read this far. :-)

Love and Peace,
Erin