Dream Birds Part One-Events Leading Up To The Dream

This is NOT the dream. These are the events that lead up to having the dream about my spirit guide and birds. Feel free to read it, or not.

Almost exactly 7 years ago, I had a strange experience with death.
My father-in-law had been dealing with pancreatic cancer for 2 years, my grandmother was very ill, and my step father also had cancer among many other ailments. It seemed death was coming to visit once more. Cancer was rampant amoung people I knew. Somebody was bound to die from it.

On May 21, 2001, I woke up at 4 in the morning because my cockatiel birds were making such a fuss. I went to see what was the matter and one of the birds was bleeding from its wing as it flittered about the cage. I did what I could to soothe the bird and went back to bed. That afternoon, I found another cockatiel dead in her cage of unknown causes.
The pressure was on and I could feel it.
At 7pm, I found out that my father-in-law's chemotherapy had failed and he might only live another week. Add to that that I received notice that I would spend my birthday, May 24, doing jury duty, and I was pretty much a mental mess.
 
Well, the gods got me out of jury duty, so that was good. Grandma got a little better and my father-in-law kept fighting. At the end of June, my father-in-law was told they would need to do another round of chemotherapy, but he said he had enough and was done. 3 days later he died, on July 2, 2001.

My other cockatiel, Mary, died somewhere between the first bird's death and August, I just don't remember. It was a season of death for me. Somehow, no matter who died, I felt some responsibility for it.
If I only did something, this would NOT have happened. If I took better care of my pets, they would not die. If I had only told my father-in-law about coloidal silver or the umteen other alternates I had found, I might have SAVED him. It was always about responsibility for death, not the death itself. That and watching the suffering.
I could not bear to visit my father-in-law during the last year of his life. It was just too painful. I was connected to him and could sense him anyway, I didn't need to go there. I knew when he was dying and the sadness that was coming over to my house 9 miles away. The night he died, I drank heavily, so I would fall asleep at home, while my husband stood vigil at his bedside.

It was not a happy summer for me.
I think this has all come up, so that those feelings I had then, can be cleared and healing can finally take place. I no longer feel I am responsible for anyone's death, but those old feelings are still in there and I feel them coming up as I write.
I felt compelled to write this, because of so many synchronicities of the last week. This is definitely for me, but maybe also for somebody else, who is going through something similar.

So, if it is you, or you have some of these issues, do read the next blog about my dream,  because it may be for you, too.

Love and Peace,
Erin