How to be Impeccable with your word

It is important to say what we mean.

We need to know our truth and express it.

If we are unsure of ourselves it may be better to remain silent.

If someone is demanding an answer, we may ask for more time to give the best response if we are unable to give a correct and honest answer at that time.

In his book The Four Agreements, Ruiz shares with us these important rules to live by for our greatest and highest good. One of these is to “Be Impeccable” with our word.

This means that we should not lie or distort words. We should not use words against others, or against ourselves.
Once we adopt this Agreement, we will see our esteem improve, our relations improve, our divine self will be more evident, because we are not wearing a mask of falsehood we have created with our words. Words are very powerful, they can hit harder than any fist.

If you want an example, pay attention to everything you say, and see what kind of a “dream” you create for yourself.

I have done this for myself. I am not perfect at it, but I am trying to be mindful of my words. It is difficult to do, since we have been trained in a world of negativity. I have found my self saying when I make a mistake, “I’m an idiot” and when I catch myself doing this, I say, “No, self you are not. You are a beloved child of God making your way in this world. And you feel you have made a mistake. You are not an idiot. This label is not acceptable to your divinity. Try to eliminate this from your vocabulary in the future”

Another good example is gossip. Gossip of any sort is not good. It doesn not help us to live in the divine moment. Gossip is information about others, based on an experience you had with that person, your opinion about another, or hearsay about another. To repeat negative things about another is not helpful.

If you have a concern about someone that they may be harmful or hurt another, it may be ok to issue a warning. But do not to spread idle words about another for the sake of conversation. To say things about others, for the sake of having something to say, this is a waste of your divine breath. Use your voices dear ones, to multiply your divine selves (divine cells) not to despoil them.

You might make an agreement with your regular conversation partners to help each other in this realm. Sometimes we need a mirror, or a feedback mechanism. We sometimes talk too much, we do not hear ourselves. We are a clanging gong, we don’t listen to ourselves or what is coming out of our mouths. It is difficult to introspect while we are talking, oftentimes. We can make an agreement with a conversation partner that they will be a good witness to us, that they can help us to notice when we are dwelling on a negative subject, ruminating on a topic in an unhealthy way. A kind and compassionate listener can be empowered in this way to gently interrupt us if we are going on about something that is negative. For this harms both the speaker and the listener. Often times listeners will let the speaker go on for quite some time (even hours!) dwelling on the negative, with out redirecting the speaker.

When I say negativity I mean, using the word against ourselves, or against another. Either by self-pity or enragemnet or any number of other EMOTIONS. Remember, emotions are not FEELINGS. Feelings are notifications of our true selves. Emotions are the complicated layers of drama that we add to our feelings, that interrupt our truth and weigh us down. It is ok to feel angry and to acknowledge this feeling, but we must express and discharge it in a healthy manner so it does not become a new beast such as jealousy, resentment, even depression which can be repressed anger.

If you are the listener, you may say, if you are bothered by what the other person is going on about… you may say… I am hearing your emotions…but… what are you FEELING?? This can help to redirect the speaker.

It does neither partner in the conversation any good if the listener sits idly by and listens half-heartedly to words being spewed forth with lots of emotion, but disconnected from the feelings that generate them.

A thoughtful and mature person (who is the speaker) can do what I am suggesting (to ask for and accept this feedback). One who is bitter, angry, or deeply broken inside may instead become resentful, defensive, even vengeful, rather than listen deeply (to his or herself via the 'mirror') and do this introspective work.

It can also be that the speaker has got stuck in a loop and keeps dwelling or repeating the same thing, and if it is a negative loop it can be harmful to the speaker, he or she may be poisoning himself or herself.

If there is an agreement between the conversation partners to engage in this level of deep speaking and deep listening real spiritual growth can occur. Since we are only in this Earth plane for a short time, idle gossip does nothing to serve us.

I am not saying that it is not ok to have fun, share good news, to laugh or joke. I am not saying it is not ok to share anger about something. It can be very important to reason something out with another person. This is especially helpful for people who have certain brain styles. (Commonly called attention deficit, those who are audio or kinesthetic learners, those who may have had a head injury, or have difficulty with frontal executive functioning or any number of other reasons.) It is helpful for most people really to share thoughts and feelings with others, but those special people I mentioned may have a greater need to verbally express their thoughts, feelings and emotions, to help to process them externally, so they can HEAR their own words.

It is most helpful if we can be good listeners for each other and hold up the “mirror”. To halt someone if they are going down a negative road, using their words against themselves, or against others.

I have recently made an agreement with one of my conversation partners that if one of us is dwelling on something that is not healthy, we have agreed that we can “refocus” and to use that word as the key word.

We can focus too much on emotional material that does not raise our vibration but rather causes us to stagnate.

We are here to help us manifest the great divinity that WE ARE.

Blessed Be to you dear readers, may you speak wisely and well, and always do your best to be impeccable with your words.

Love love love to you

StarSeaSheSails is the author of this writing based on the work of Ruiz's The Four Agreements.