Crossroads of life purpose

Warning: Long :)

My work relates to working with people in countries emerging from war and the goal is ultimately to build a lasting peace. My part of it is to work with the justice system, whatever that may be in the country. Over a decade ago, it related to rebuild formal technical aspects (laws, institutions, etc.). Realizing after about two years of this that it was not where the impact really was in places ravaged by war, not to mention did any such system exist to begin with, it morphed into reaching out to groups on different sides, so to speak, and bringing them together to address certain areas like how to build justice, etc. But really the point was to bring people together to just hear each other, begin healing, empower them to see that it would not be outsiders who had the answer but they themselves did and please don't rely on us outsiders as this had not been successful in any place I had worked for the past decade. It related to trying to convey that top down and from the outside from "our" points of view was not really right for others. (My colleagues and I are a small but growing minority in this approach). Plus, over the years, it rang hollow to me that why as an outsider did I have THE answer although that was my job (and in some places, many outsiders and groups goal was to put much pressure for changes deemed "right" by the outsider.) I grew weary of doing "policy papers" on the way to go and never felt I could possibly know all to know to even make a recommendation. I grew weary when realizing finally that whatever we did was really pointless if the people in power chose to manipulate things otherwise. So, I knew that my job was to empower the change agents, support them and take a backseat to them. And let go of the control of fixing things and worrying about all the violence and war as that was making me ill. That is as far as I got on the approach. So, here I am today in this period where I feel like I am at a point of total reflection and redirection. But where? I am totally stymied. Where to go from here? Can I continue this work when the field is really about telling people how to do things when all I want to do is say, who I am to say? Does this make sense? I am asked weekly to do speaking engagements based on my past work and publications and I am just too tired to even talk about it. I am just trying to figure out where to go from here and not getting much from my meditations. A