Help Me See Real Altruism

Sometimes people come to me in one way or another and tell me that I need to change my attitude because I am obviously not attracting joy and happiness into my life. This hurts me terribly. What hurts me the most is that people think they can pass on a judgement regarding my life and existance based on a few lines they read somehwere in a blog or a forum... that they feel they have the right to judge me and pretend that THEY own the key to my issues, just like that. Of course I am always doubting myself as it is, and trying very hard NOT to. I'm a demanding person and sure enough I demand a lot not only from others but from myself as well. By demanding I mean that I wish everybody was able to love unconditionally and put their dirty socks in the laundry basket instead of letting them lie around on the floor and all that... Of course I wish I could do the same. I wish I was truly saintly with limitless amounts of patience, an ability to cure my very real ailments, and the 'right' attitude to attract enough abundance into my life to give me the freedom to do things that would really make a difference in my life and ease out some of the struggling. But I will never sell my soul to the devil in order to have all that. So maybe my path is more arduous than it needs to be and I am doing many things wrong... but at least I have a clear conscience most of the time and know for sure that I am not going to be corrupted by the worldly temptations of power and money.

I will continue to be honest and true about my emotions, regardless whether people think badly of me for it or not. I know I can never rise to popularity. I am just not that sort of person. Most people feel some kind of fear when they hear about my life. Every day I try and adjust my attitude and I am as much in the flow as possibly can under the circumstances. But how can I ever have mercy on other people if I don't try and practice it on myself first? Eliminating any finger pointing or general sense of suspiscion is really hard, but I try already on my own accord... so I don't need any body else's rolling eyes, silence treatment or superior attitude. Please only support me in being me, that's what I need and what really helps me to get over my desillusions regarding mankind and learn that there are at least a few people I can trust and who value loyalty as much as I do.

I know this is not a very eloguent treatise on the way we should be in order to achieve this or that in life. Right now I am in a low state of mind and just need to express myself from the point of view of the 'little me', or inner child if that makes more sense. So this is a kind of plea that I don't have to be patronized anymore. I want to see real, honest kindness and altruism... I think in this case seeing is believing. Don't give me all that theoretical 'nonsense' about the law of attraction... I know it all too well, and believe me, it's tormenting me day and night. Instead, help me see the good that there is outside of any theoretical framework whatsoever. Something natural, something that mirrors the real natural me - like nature or my cats. Let me see it in you too...

(all rights reserved, copyright V-M C 2008)