Rambling thoughts

I have lived most my life with people never trully able to understand me. As a child I had to go to church I had no choice , and I hated every minute of it ... I have never been so bored in my life,and to be surrounded by people who were fake.
I have always been able to pick up on peoples true feelings , and sometimes its extremely exhausting to feel what other people feel.
Its like I am a magnet if someone around me is sad I am sad and so forth. I have a hard time being in stores when they are crowded I can't take all the noise.Its not that I don't like people I am just sensitive to my surroundings, and like the noise to be limited. I have freinds who complain about everything their marriages, their job , and I love my friends dearly but sometimes I get sick of hearing how bad their life is , when you have the power to change your life, when you can go outside and sit in the grass and can be surrounded by such beauty.
Not to mention the fact you choose your current life all they way down to the smallest aspects of your spouse , your job, etc.... We just don't remember.
Don't get me wrong there are days when I wake up , and I turn on the idiot box thats what I call my tv lol... and its funny how the media portrays negative stuff I can't handle watching CNN I cry no, I am not hormornal its just that I cant handle news about people dying, a war that is going on with no real purpose. Innocent people whos lives are being torn apart it just breaks my heart. Children being kidnapped I can't deal with such things. I like to live in a fantasy world where there is no such thing. I can't understand why people cannot just get along , and love each other. I have a hard time killing a bug let alone taking a life.
I sit outside a lot at night with my sons telescope and star up at the stars , the moon and I just wish someone would come and beam me the hell up , and out of here. But this is usually when I am fed up with this world and the corruption.
Deep down inside I know this to shall pass and I can't leave yet because I have unfinished business to do whatever it is cause I have no clue what I am doing here.
A few weeks ago I bought a new computer cause mine was just outdated my baby lol I built it but as with everything right now things evolve .. so now with my new toy that I did not build I discovered a wonderful thing on vista a nasa gadget from out of houston live I sit here for hours watching that I love looking into space it's so beautiful.
Does anyone else feel like were running out of time? My days fly by and its like I have accomplished nothing, and deep down inside I know time is of the essence.I still don't know where I am really from I could fit into many brackets starseed ,starmaid ... so much information and a fraction of time to asorb it all.
I sit on here for hours on this website reading, and reading and at times its overwhelming alot of what I read resonates deep within me, and some things are so beyond anything I can comprehend or believe.
so I just go with what I feel deep down inside of me thats what I believe to be true,I guess I have a way to go still.
Thanks to whoever read this... It maybe disorganized thoughts , and ramble but I am not a professional lol.
I am placing this in the creative /feelings and I hope this is the right place to stick this blog of mine ...

Love and Light
Melissa