in need of insights :)

Dearest Friends,
on this special day i feel a deep wish to pour my heart out, as we say in Hungarian:)
I AM aware that we are learning a lot now about relationships and there are many changes. From one point my situation would be obvious, having a husband who is 18 yrs older and a marriage thats just passed the 7th anniversary.. plus there are many challenges with our son,some of u have read the blog about it. We met on the net in 2000 and the gift of this child came soon, i was even guided to name him Mate Dominik -both meaning 'given by God'. Indeed he has given us incredible chances for change and we were often told that the three of us are especially strongly connected and i shouldnt kill our love. Of course it doesnt necessarily mean that the best form of the connection between us parents in the next phase is the marriage. Still I AM trying to open my heart wide enough not to exclude that, even though i more and more often find myself incapable of resisting the dream about something i consider real and true, empowering and simple. i could go on and on but it already feels strange to say this much here..but i do believe in the sacredness of this community,thats why i come:)K.