MY WISH IS!!

Many times life seems to be senseless, like I don't know what to think, say or do anymore.
Prayers and Meditation have helped some how, but not as I wish for , perhaps I want more than a hope
I want proof that indeed my life is going to change for the best.

I want to look back and feel that my life was full, meaningful and with a purpose.
I will be 39 soon, and feel as if my clock is ticking, not because I want to get married, or have
more children, no... it's because I don't want to feel that my purpose in life wasn't accomplished,
that the opportunity to live my dream passed me by and that I did nothing to make it happen.

I don't want to be 50, and feel like a failure, or feel that all my efforts and all sacrifices were
in vane . I don't want to live in regret or fear, I want to fully breath and exhale, I wan to love and laugh
at what life throws at me.

I should be grateful for what I have right now, many will say.. but the truth is I am grateful but not entirely satisfied with it. I am like a youngster that needs to be out there exploring, searching and experiencing life in full, not sitting in a 9-5 dead end job. I feel stuck!! that's what it is..

If I could I would:

Sell everything I have, I would live in a small town, with few people
this town would have lots of trees, waterfalls and my own garden, horses .

If I could I would create my own town, with lots of plants, flowers, trees, rivers and mountains.
All who wish to live there, would have to accept the fact that this town is a town of peace, no night clubs.

Kind of like Rivendell, where I can take a walk by the bridge in the evenings, where instead of cars, smoke and loud people, I can only hear, the wind moving the leaves of trees, where fairies are free to live and where all animals were safe. Where trees grow tall and old, where children are loved and nourished, where men and women work side by side in harmony, and where visitors were treated with respect.

Maybe it's a dream, maybe my unconscious mind misses my spiritual home.
I find myself saying over and over," I MISS HOME", " I WANT TO GO HOME", but what is home to me?
Nothing to do with my native country, or nothing to do with my family that is out there, it has more to do with my spiritual family, the family I left behind to come to this plane to grow and to be able to evolution as a spiritual being.

For those who read this blog, some of you might say that I am crazy or living in a no-real world, that I live in a world of my own, created or maybe invented,...but I assure you, that is not so.

My soul wrote this for me, my mind and hands were just a tool. My soul never lies!

Blessings
Darien