transforming by yeilding

Hello friends.

Over the last few months, I have become aware of transforming the energy around me. I have shared this with you in previous blogs. Recently, I have had a lesson in transforming the energy that I create through my own reaction to circumstances and I would like to share that with you here.

Earlier this month, my family went to the French Alps to scratch the ski-itch that my husband and son develope on a regular basis. When we do this, we usually stay with friends, but this time, there were 20 of us going so we hired our own apartment.

I was really looking forward to having our own space. As I have been craving solitude, I planned to spend time alone, writing, and my only concern was how to balance this need with the fact that so many of our friends would be there.

When we arrived in Morillon (after a 14 hour drive), we found our "apartment" was the size of a matchbox and smelled like camels had been sleeping there. It was so small, you couldn't stand in the bathroom and close the door at the same time. I wish this were an exaggeration, but it's not.

If it had been just me, I would have turned around and gone straight to a hotel. But it wasn't just me, was it? As my boys would be skiing all day and only sleeping in the apartment, they didn't care, so I donned a pair of rubber gloves, grabbed the bleach and began scraping the vomit off the doors.

I wish I could say here that I was doing this with only love in my heart for my family.

I wasn't.

I was cursing the apartment, the building it was in, the people who rented it to us, and the mountain it was on. I even warned my husband that if he returned and found the car missing that he'd have to catch a ride to Geneva airport when he was ready to come home.

Over the next two days, I got no writing done. I sat in that apartment while it sucked out my will to live. Then I heard one of my guides say "But you can't learn to love in solitude."

Ugh. I asked for this. Did I want it? NOPE.

But I dragged myself out and let my friends teach me how to ski. Or, rather, how to fall from great height with sticks strapped to my feet. Picture yoga on skis here.

As soon as I stopped feeling sorry for myself and fighting what was, I found not only did I feel much better, but my family felt much better. I hadn't realized that I had been creating so much negativity- and how quickly just yeilding to the moment melted it. I've spent so much time opening my heart to the low frequencies generated by others to transform it, and yet it never occurred to me to do the same thing with the negativity that I generate!

I enjoyed my friends and spending time with them, and I thought I had a handle on this... until the drive home.

We tried to get an early start because it was snowing on the morning we left. We hit Reims and the traffic was backed up for miles. After crawling for over half an hour and only moving a few feet, I found myself cursing the "Frenchman" who designed a lane reduction just before a major intersection, cursing the "French" drivers who cut in front of you if you leave more than a half-inch of daylight between your front bumper and the car in front of you, cursing the whole darned country.... well, you get the idea.

Road Rage Incarnate.

As I sat there silently fuming, one of my spirit guides said "Look at that stand of birch over there".

I turned and saw a stand of white birch trees bathed in a peachy glow of sunlight contrasting with the tall brilliant emerald grass growing beneath.

She said "If the traffic had been moving you wouldn't have seen that."

Instead of being grateful for the peaceful, magical scene I was thinking "actually, I would rather NOT have seen that. I'd rather be moving!"

Then she have me a not so gentle reminder that she IS French and I was being disrespectful to her and to the country that her family is guardian of that I was creating a lot of unnecessary bad energy.

Ouch.

I was deeply ashamed of myself. That shame caused me to open, to melt into the moment. At the very instant I accepted the beauty around me all my frustration disappeared.

I should know this by now!

I am so grateful to be able to say that my lovely guide is still with me. I wouldn't have blamed her in the least if she went to find a nicer human to help after my tantrum!

As humans, I supposed we are conditioned from birth to fight against what we don't want. Yet, don't we all want to be happy?

Contentment is always available if we choose to yeild to what is. We resist because that yeilding is overriding our ego- our ego does not want that. It is painful for the ego. But we are so much more than our ego.

I am learning (SLOWLY!) to BE who I AM.

There is no situation so overwhelming that it will destroy us. I lost a baby many years ago and was so devastated that I spent an entire year being really angry and sad and doing things that were entirely out of character for me. When I finally was able to yeild to that, I found that there was a purpose. There was a lesson for me -one which led to healing with my relationship with my own parents. Once I released my own resistance to the pain of what happened, I realized that the soul of that child was there all along waiting to speak to me- to tell me that he hadn't come to stay but to show me something. We think that because something hurts, we must resist it or it will overwhelm us.

This is an illusion. It is the resistance itself that causes the pain.

I hope that there is something in here of value to you. As always, feel free to take what is useful and disregard the rest.

I leave you with my love, dear ones, and with the hope that this might help some of you as you all help me just by being the wonderful light that you ARE.

Antimorphic