A Light warrior who has lost his way..
Hello my dearest brothers and sisters, I greet you with love and light. I seem to be going through some troubling times right now.. please let me explain my situation so that you may have a better understanding as to what is happening.
I come from a family that has always watched over my well being in the financial area. I love my family so deeply so alot of my desicions as to what to do with ym life have had to do with their opinions, like "you need to think of the future, you need to get this job so that in the future this and that.. Iam currentley in a culinary school, a rather expensive one... I got here because in the midst of my awakening I was motivated by my parents to pursue a career, I chose this becuase at the time it had a little of both energies.. Their Idea that being a chef I could make a lot of money and what not, and my humble idea of just serving... I care very little about money and now find myself in a place where the brothers and sisters seem to be very motivated by money and status.. my conscious spiritual work began about 6 months ago and I have done nothing but pray that I may have more knowledge and understanding of ehat is going on in these great times and have been receiving such requests.. I feel so out of place. I've been learning about wanderers and have com to the conclusion that I am one. Its jsut I have this inner desire to drop what I am doing and concentrate more on my spiritual growth. But It's like damn.. what the hell are my parents gona say, they think this is just some stupid phase and are wondering when i'll be done with it. I acnlowledge that they are very confused and have compassion for their thining for it was instilled in them long ago... I just love them so deeply and feel I am wasting their efforts to let me be here.. Sometimes I wonder if my place really is here in the school, I am a lone light warrior here at the culinary institute of america and shine my light in every situation here as much as i can, but I feel i have come to a moment where I can only do so much to influence the behaviours of brothers and sisters with dust in their eyes helping them to see love.. but I feel inside me that my growth is being stalled.. I feel a little unbalanced spiritualy and i can also feel pain in my physical body in the area of the heart and solar plexus chakra. I sometimes ask myself if I am a completeley different person.. It's like when i was home I was so intangled in this false illusion of life, and now I have such a deep understanding and it sucks that I have no one to realte to here where I am...
This is what I feel like doing. I feel like leaving here and jsut give up all material belongings and just wander around and see what happens, see the marvels that earth has to offer. I used to think before I got here that I would get my education and star making money so that i could go on such adventures, but it has gotten to a point where I dont really care about it anymore, i just want to explore.. I know my guardians will always bee there to guide my footsteps. I'm so cinfused my fellow brothers and sisters, I am 20 years of age and sometmes ask why this is happening to me at such a young age.. but well I guess that when the saying "be carefull what you wish for, you just might get it" comes into play. I do not regret what I am now begging to understand, I just wish I new how to assimilate it.. I can stay here and keeo lying to myself and carry my parents burden on my back for who knows how long.. and I wish to seek truth. Brothers and sisters, thank you so much for listening to what I had to say.. I love you all so so much.
Love and light from the one and only creator
Nickolas Casarrubias