Romantic Love

Look a bit at what romantic love is and what it is not. It is not fulfillment. It is not achievement. It is not the path to finding yourself. That is a path which must be traveled alone and inside.

But what is it? Certainly, in its beginning stages, falling in love is a state of intoxication, as chemicals, wonderful chemicals, rush through your body, blinding you to the calm reason which you had managed to achieve before you were completely swept away by this other human being who wishes to meld with you, blend with you, become one with you. This can be an amazing and glorious experience. This melding of love, sexuality and togetherness. It is a deeply human experience and one that you will wish to experience.

Ah, but like any drug, the crash can be painful indeed. And when it all begins to wear off, either suddenly after six months or so, or perhaps slowly over the years in a relationship of longer duration, then you wonder what has happened. You wonder what is wrong with you that you cannot hold on to this person, to this feeling, to this relationship. You think you have failed. But all that has happened is that you had an experience and that experience is over.

There is no success or failure. It is simply life. It is simply an experience. And when it is over, you release and let go; you move on.

The mistake that is made so often is that people think they are saved from the work of getting to know themselves. They think that suddenly everything will be glorious, because that is how it feels at the beginning. But there is also much else happening at the beginning. You are in a state of obsession, focusing so much on this other person that you are losing yourself. You are merging into one person, and without this other person you no longer feel whole.

And if it ends badly, you feel bereft and incomplete. You gave yourself away and now he has left, and you are left as an incomplete person. And you must now step back and rebuild yourself, from the inside out, trying to find who you were before this person took such a large piece of you.

Some of this is simply the way it happens. When you allow yourself to love, you do give away some pieces of your heart, and it takes time and tender loving care to replace that love within your heart. But if you are a more mature person spiritually, you can learn to allow a person into your field of love, you can learn to give love without giving yourself away. You can learn to give and give and yet not feel that you are incomplete if you are not getting. This is the state to be desired.

If you can manage to keep your spiritual practices intact, continuing with your meditations and focusing deeply into yourself and reminding yourself that you are the most important source of love, rather than scheming and manipulating in order to try to gain someone else’s love, crying bitter tears when they do not give you what you think you need from them, then you will be fine.

You can learn to give yourself what you need, even when you are in love with someone else. When you do this, the relationship is transformed. When you do this, you are not clinging and jealous, complaining and worried. You are calm and centered and just enjoying the positive aspects of giving love and letting it flow. You are bathing in the love which you give as well as that which you receive, and if they are focused elsewhere for a time, that is all right, because you are still acting as your primary source of love.

~Carrie Hart~

Love,

~Angelsgarden~