blocked
In Lak'ech.
I have always been very spiritual and a searcher since I was a child, but I have lost much on the way. I know that all is one and but I really feel it only occasionally. I feel centered in my consciousness and out of my mind only occasionally, and I get so easily disturbed. When I saw a recorded seminar with Ian Xel Lungold some weeks ago I really felt the oneness obvious. But after a hard week of working with a movie and a bunch of actors, something I really didnt want to do, I got unconnected and uncentered again. It should be said that I have a very hard time fitting in in a social context, i´m almost what they would call "autistic" in that way. This society is killing my soul. I get so easily disturbed these days. I have lost so much since I was a child. I remember very clear that I could alter matter for instance, I had the ability to take my hand through a wall and open a door to another dimension, a sort of dreaming awake. I could also see spirits and have total control over my dreams in which I had the ability to fly. I have lost it all. Ofcourse I have some intuition left and I´m able to see the synchronicities, escpecially the last few months, but it is as i´m blocked by something.
I have been very interested in ancient cultures and mythology since November 2007, just a couple of days after the Mayan 5:th night began. I started with the sumerian and egypts, went on with the chinese and landed on the mesoamerican cultures, escpecially the Mayas. I now try to tune my conciousness to the mayan calendar, but I still feel as if something holds me back.
I have been also drawn to the hopi natives for a while and something is signaling me like a beacon on the ocean and pulling me to Arizona. The name Sedona (and Sedna and Cydonia) popped up in my consciousness over and over again even before I knew it was a town in Arizona and even before I knew it was a New Age pilgrimage place. Now I really feel I need to go there. I think I have to leave all that holds me back and just follow my instinct and my consciousness. Maybe i´m the lost white brother Pahana who needs to return.
Did I just write the solution myself? I know there are many strong and intuitive brothers and sisters in here who could help me, please do.
Eternal love and bliss to you all,
Pahana