Losing My Form

This is an experience that I had a couple of years ago. This is probably the experience, if I had to choose one, that really brought my attention to my awareness, and I began to awaken:

I was at my best friend's (Kim and Eric) house, on this night, kickin' it with my friends as they played records all weekend. Most of my friends in San Diego are Dj's or deeply involved with Breakbeats , house music, etc. It was around 11pm and Eric was in the middle of a Tribal Breakz set that was just so amazing. Some of us were dancing around, some were talking, but the beat was so tight that I had to sit down. I sat back on the couch and just felt the vibration immerse in my body. I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. As I sat back in the couch, with a smile on my face I just closed my eyes to absorb the beat. The next thing I knew, I was on what appeared to be a suspended spiral staircase just hanging in black space. I was moving downward so fast and at the same speed every thought I'd ever had, every person I'd ever known and not known were flashing around me. All of the faces and thoughts were known to me…Even the people I hadn't ever met, I knew that I knew them already. As I continued my decent, my entire existence, as a whole, made complete sense to me. As I touched each step, I was understanding that I was encountering change. I was losing my human form and characteristics. All the layers of reality, I had ever bought and sold myself, were quickly shedding….down to a pure form of me. I can remember thinking to myself, take mental notes of every thing I am seeing, feeling, thinking, on my way through this journey. At one point, I realized I was no longer on the stair case. I was no longer a physical form. I could feel where I used to have arms and other physical attributes, but no longer was I tangible. I was figuring out existence….each and every layer provided infinite truths and I understood them all.
I was noticing other intangible energies, and although they didn't have human characteristics, I knew all of them intimately, as the energy seemed to be all that ever was. I was able to see and to hear…No eyes, no ears, but vision and sound. As I looked around I noticed that I was a part of what seemed to be a self maintained source of energy…Although I knew I was a long way from where I'd just come, I knew that I was home. I could hear giant drums, like a deep Drum Vibration. The sound was so big, but I was unable to locate the source. By now, the human existence I'd just returned from seemed to be a mere moment of de ja vu . I knew it existed, at one point, but I ceased the ability to recall any details, and it didn't matter.
I remember seeing the sun, but I had no concept of time. And as I thought about that for a moment, I realized that time was a concept that really couldn't be measured by clocks or calendars or people, and it didn't really matter, because the simple knowledge of what a clock and a calendar had now escaped me. I remembered contemplating the concept of perception of time, for a moment and then that lost importance and my interest.
There was no concept of right and wrong. Levels were more interpreted as a balance; not of "one or another" , but rather as a whole. It seemed to me that there was a huge mass of energy from which energy was leaving to join what I had left, at the same time energy was returning to where I was…and it maintained constant balance. All of it was strangely familiar for a thought, and then I realized it was where I had always been. I didn't know anything different. I remember feeling so incredibly happy and completely overridden with joy. Total bliss. I could feel the rhythm of mother earth vibrating throughout me, but now I wasn't me anymore. I was part of something much bigger and surrounded by everything I've always known.
Then, it began. I could feel myself being pulled from my home. I knew that I was returning to that place that I couldn't quite remember. As I was torn from my home, I felt sadness that I was leaving. I began my journey back, all of my human realities began to layer upon me. Again, I was consciously telling myself to pay attention to each detail as it placed itself upon me. I was intent on never forgetting my home again.
In a matter of what seemed to be minutes, I was back, opening my eyes, and sitting on the couch where I began my realizations. I was disappointed, in some odd way, to be back. I had so much energy, but I was completely overwhelmed with my experience. My mind was a mile a minute, but I had virtually no control over my faculties. I, stuttered (barely able to utter to Kim, as the sun was coming up), "how long was I sitting there?" She said I was sitting there, with my eyes closed for about three hours. I was trying to describe to her what happened, where I went, what I experienced, and the only thing I could say was, "Oneness, Drums". She kept saying, "what, baby? I can barely understand you. What?..Oneness?, Drums?...What does that mean, Mandi Bear?"…..My mind was in maximum overdrive and my ability to coordinate conversation was with the birds, at this point. I remained, essentially unable to talk for the rest of the day, and I stayed lost in my mind for the duration, too. As I absorbed the experience, I came to the conclusion that I already knew everything I would ever know. I realized that I was already hardwired with all of the answers to ever question I ever had or ever wanted to know. Accessing that information is where my challenges lie.
I now understood what unconditional love truly meant. I understood why I loved my parents with out condition. It became very clear that my parents were the one link, up to this point, between myself and home. I passed thru my mom, leaving there and coming here, the first time. I don't have children, but I was able to understand that bond in a much clarified and defined understanding.
My experience is much more detailed than this, but I would have to write a book, to you, in order to convey all the detail.
Anyway….I was finally able to sit again and write about it. I wrote about it once before, after it first happened. It was very long and probably sounded like I fell off my rocker..lol…but I lost it when my old "MAC" crashed…..(Heartbroken)…from that experience forward, my perspective has grown leaps and bounds, but I really try to absorb as many points of my perspective along the way.

I now understand that this was merely an experience. It has been drowned by my thoughts, but it sure was fun.....

peace and smiles