My Inspiration

His deep brown doe eyes seem to look up at me with such a curiosity words can not describe. I find myself speechless every time this happens. His golden brown skin appears to almost glow, with silky brownish black hair that almost cries out to be styled. He's a tall and very slender 5 year old boy, but it is a family trait we pride ourselves in. His smile that graces my presence brings out the lone dimple in his left cheek, showing bright white teeth and naturally puckered lips. Astonished at such beauty, I can only feel admiration for this perfectly imperfect child. Everything I could wish for, he is my son.

Miguel's laughter is lighthearted, loud and consistent. It is warming to anyone's heart who meets him, echoing in their memories. You can find that sporadically through the day he will sing his ABC's, not quite perfected, but precious just the same. Always in a tone that invites you to sing along in the hypnotic rhythm. Just as equally random, but conscious to those who know Miguel very well, is the suttle humming when he is lost in thought. It will always reflect the mood he's currently in. Not many words grace his vocabulary but his eyes and body language can say many deep thoughts and expressions.

His skin is soft, smooth and smells of Johnson and Johnson. A trait he did not get from his father. Miguel's hugs embrace you in a warm and heartfelt manner. They are never short and in essence, it seems to wrap you in an aura of true innocence. Kisses from Miguel can always melt your troubles away because at that very moment of true affection, nothing else matters between the love of a mother and child. Nothing can break this bond of two souls bound together in a journey of Autism.

Memories flood my mind with such a passion only a mother could know. One standing strong, in the last few years he has trully graced me with, was when he was 2 1/2 years old. Pregnant with my daughter, I could not rough house with him as much as we used to in the past. But, the playing never haulted for two children in a chaotic yet serene world of adventurous paths. At that moment in our lives, we had found ourselves liberally painting "thank you" cards to Daddy. Luckily the hard wood floors would not despise us for the splattered rainbow colored paints we so lovingly dressed it with. As we finished our third card, something had seemed to dawn on him. Heavily dipping his short fat fingers in the jar of paint he spread it on his arm. Imitating the very designs he had so knowingly admired from his Daddy's tattoos. I sat back laughing and intently watched him test color combinations and techniques. He slowly perfected his designs, covering his arms and legs until there was no visibly clean skin. Nothing seemed to make my heart swell as much until this moment, when I saw the deep thought he put in his masterpiece of walking art. Looking up at me for approval, my smile said more than any words could ever establish. He stood up and walked to the mirror with a grin that could bring tears to the Gods that so lovingly watch over him.

Every day struggles of expressing himself seems to be an accomplishments in itself. Now years later, Miguel has a much ordered life with just as rich of substance and knowledge. Learning to cope with new siblings and clashing personalities, has helped him flourish so beautifully. Still just as loving, sweet and passive. Where his new siblings Katie and Robert are similar but quite different. These beautifully unique children are outgoing and affectionate, but they are very straight to the point on what they want or need. And although they share the same passion in life as he, they are blessed with the ability to express themselves much easier.

Another moment in time that has so much impact in my life was the first time he spoke his first sentence to me. I was talking to my mother when I heard Miguel crying from the playroom. Jumping up instinctively, I hurried to the room to see what was the problem. As I opened the door, Miguel was standing in the corner with Katie facing him. Immiediately, I knew what was wrong. Not quite sure who had started the tiff with him, I asked in an upset manner who had hurt him. Katie denying the blame, pointed at Robert, who sat across the room with a large toy car in his hand. Unsure what to believe, I told both of them that it was wrong to hurt anyone and they would not like it if they were treated that way. I asked again who had hurt Miguel. Suddenly Miguel ran into my arms and cried out "He hit me Momma! He hit me Momma!" Although this in itself was not a very good memory, it was a proud one just the same. Never in my lifetime as a mother did Miguel say more than 1 word at a time. It blew my fears out of the water that he would never be able to carry on a conversation. At that moment he had surpassed every hope I've ever had for him.

I have learned that anyone can find inspiration in every day moments if you just stop and appreciate the little things. Although life didn't seem to map itself out quite like everyone had assumed it would be, it has been a blessing in it's own right. I have faced the facts that sometimes just the daily accomplishments are much better than looking at what hasn't been done. Miguel is my pride and joy, he brings me such happiness and fulfillment as a mother. Because although you may teach your children about life, they will teach you what life is really about.

- Maricella Villarreal