Manic Depression and Lightworking

I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder about 7 yrs ago, but I've had "symptoms" of this "dis"order since I was at least as young as 11. My mother is also diagnosed with the same "dis"order.

Sometimes I wonder about this whole Bipolar "Dis"order. Perhaps I have this "dis"order to draw attention to my immediate need to balance my Energy System, which helps me to realize, and truly know that We are One with it All.

Reality is an Illusion anyways, so perhaps we "Manic Depressives" in this world are more sensitive to our environment, both inner and outer, to give us a better chance of finding and recognizing the signs that will help us to wake up in the Dreamtime of Time and Space, to bring us to the Here and Now. To help us see past this Illusion we call Reality.

Paranoia tends to be one of the "symptoms" of this "dis"order that I experience. Perhaps when I'm feeling paranoid, I'm mistaking paranoia with a higher state of awareness. It's like I'm almost awake, but not quite. I'm Lucid Dreaming, aware that something's up, but not awake enough to remember. When I begin to fall back asleep, and lose myself in the Dreamtime, this is when I fall prey to fearful paranoia and depression, a sense of disassociation, of disconnection.

I am at my most Spiritual when I am at a relatively normal level, all the way up to mania. I lose interest in Spirituality when I am in a depression. This makes sense, since I have the most energy when I am feeling manic, and am feeling the lowest level of energy when in the abyss of depression. Makes sense to me! This is not to say there is no biological cause for this "dis"order, but perhaps I was born with it for a purpose. This purpose is to serve me, not be enslaved by it.

I am learning that my moods and emotions must be dealt with; to go with the flow. If I am feeling depressed, my body is working something out it needs to, or perhaps is taking a rest. If I am feeling manic, my body is working its hardest energy-wise to help release something else my body is working out.

I do take medications, which includes mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. Medication is not the easy way out as some may have you believe. Meds are a tool I use to "tame the beast" so to speak, so I may have as much of my faculties as possible to use this "dis"order to my advantage. Frankly speaking, I would not be around right now if it weren't for medications. They saved my life on more than one occasion.

Having Bipolar "Dis"order gives me more of a challenge, but if it weren't for the immediate need to balance myself out I'm not sure if I would've done anything to create that balance. My personality is like that. If I don't have the fire under my butt telling me to move, I won't. I think Great Spirit knew that when She activated certain genomes in my DNA, LoL.

I have often wondered to myself, "Do my emotions dictate my Energy level, or does my Energy level dictate my emotions?" I was hoping that practicing Reiki would help balance me out, and I do believe still that this Bipolar "Dis"order can be cured by balancing out my Energy System. But although I just recently got activated (one month ago), I've been falling into a depression. I know I'm being hard on myself, but I feel a bit disillusioned; that perhaps I was wrong, perhaps the whole idea of being cured is a delusion, as my psychiatrist were to tell me if I were to ever be dumb enough to tell him I believe this.

Namaste~
~Chrissie