Hot topic: so why do some kids buy into feeling of being suicidal and why do people subotage their own lives?

May be it comes form past lives, may be from present. I spoke with a couple of psychics here is my story: I had a conversation with an older indigo. I said that the very first memory I had when I was an infant and I looked at my family having drama over nothing. I saw something there that was not friendly on one side and something else that was so friendly at all at the other side. And here is what I thought and I remember it clearly: "Oh man! do I have to deal with these people?!" And often times I scream loud up untill the age 5.

The older indigo I spoke with told me "I screamed too, I didn't want to be here."

So something traumatic happens to me at age 5 and I feel suicidal I am smart enough to feel suicidal. And I walk out and it's cold. And then I just kind of don't like the cold and I get inside. But even before something happens to me I already feel like I am not happy. And I buy into some things that are just not happy. Or may be at the traumatized stage there is one stage where one doesnt want to get out. I wish I could know why. Only one study and I don't know who conducted it states that the victim starts to like the abuser. May be it is so or may be because the victim "has no choice" which is another brainwashed technique.

One one gets "lost" for whatever the reason United States and it's an interesting country has some levels offices that makes sure everything is ok and nobody does anything stupid. May be it's a research agency but lets just say it's a party of the city which is still a part of government and we don't know why tells the odd kind of kids to get a job when half have business mentality, some psyhic and indigo. I always thought that it was some kind of scam. The place has different kinds of young adults rich, poor.

And everyone gets in trouble sometimes. May be because you have so much innocence and trust as a child you may end up at some place that you think can help. Without having a clue that you might be a research study, without having a clue that there are beings that conduct the research study. I was something without knowing I was. May be for some part of my life I felt a little bit unconscious and not always aware of things. How did this come to play randomly on several occsions in my life.

When I've spoken with an older indigo the person told me that as an older indigo this person didn't want to be here. Is it because the place on Earth, the environment is too hard. Or what is it do we really feel suicidal?

I felt very withdrawn from people at some point of life... and twice and three times. So my conversations were there and I listened. I heard one thing clearly I had to learn how to communicate better and at least get my point across, the presentation trainings didn't influence me enough, I don't know why. I did have some obstacles. The older indigo told me that if some people who were in their 50 or 60's were indigos chances are small that they would be alive, one would feel lonely, could be killed (this I was not aware of), high suicide risk.

I was withrawn so the older indigo told me that "society made us misfits." I still don't get why when presenting a spiritual topic I would look funny, I don't say anything odd. People have reasons why they don't like one another.
Sometimes you may be the only one who make you a misfit.

I spoke with another psychic and I trusted the person, but she told me that the phone had interference... it was I was speaking about Archangels over my cell phone. ... I was a naive girl... for a very long time, I bought into things like... I would feel unhappy over feeling happy, may be I was depressed or a spoiled lifestyle didn't make me happy, right? Just like any other indigo I would numb the pain with... a cigarette and whatever I found that numbed the pain. Why couldn't I face everything inside. I couldn't even name it sometimes. I don't know what distracted me so much, what was there that wasn't so nice.

Then this psychic lady told me: "Lana you should read this book, it's a 30 page book, that links nutrition to suicide. The mother of a child who was in his 20's killed himself and she wrote this book."

So I threw some things on the paper... from environmental pollution, to nutrition and perhabs chemical editives... in parfumes, cleaning supplies, can this affect an indigo in a croweded city. How about a regulart person. It might be true too.

But no matter how harsh the environment is for one on Earth we have a soul that feels something, it's the energy. It's like wood that can't go under water.

Just a thought that came up here don't know from where. Do these suicidal thought and thgouths of unhappiness and not living the lives we wanted came because we are indigos and something out there did not like us.

Why do kids of the millionares and "rich" kids have more problems then a ghetto kid from Bronx who may be happier... and get off drugs when the other one is on drugs.

I take it easy and become happy. Can anybody relate? Is there any other indigo here, who ever felt this way?

I know I have to work on my communication skills and I feel uplifted and motivated now, I am not the best presenter it's my first try.

Why do we feel suicidal?