Rare people

Some time ago when I was living in New York City I had to move and I completely had no idea where to go and what I was suppose to with my life. I tried to run away from my problems because it was impossible to bear at the time dear God and if anyone who slightly knew my lifestory couldn't agree more to it...
I still didn't know what the heck I wanted to do, what I was suppose to do, time passing by. I was very much consumed by my career and always listened to the manager trying to be a better employee trying to do the best that I can. It gets kind of cold and icky at least in the corporate world in the States, or may be it is like this in many city around this world, I consistently tried to fit it and successfully failed and "found myself" thank God. It is like this - everybody is running like chickens with their heads choped off, after their interests, living in their dreams, companies trying to make more money, being greedy and not really appreciating one's work, but asking for more... people hating each other, a cirlce of consumerism so it was just about the time when I was sick of everything not further than the ceiling and when my awakening began. I was kind of like... wait a minute it feels like there is something wrong with the picture of how everything is in this world. The manager was like "work work work" when I was about to explode that I held within for a while. And then I exlploded for a good reason.

So one time I was kind of like I didn't know what to do and where I am suppose to go and how to solve my puzzle. I was moving and it happened so that I had to move temporarily when my roomates didn't like the rotten squash in the fridge... and I was never home so the squash sat down there extra time :)) I was in the process of getting a new appartment.

I was coming back from the train station and I stopped at a church nearby. I was praying for the things to get better. It was the point when I was really upset and I really wanted something to change. That's when I saw this guy walking, I saw him from faraway he was coming back from the train party with somebody he just met. We started to speak with each other and it was just like we couldn't stop... the other guy just looked at us and he was like whatever and continued his path...

I was busy and the guy that I met was very busy as well.
Rarely that we met and when we met it was for some hours or so. And we were there just to be, just to be happy just to enjoy life, before we come back to our busy busy lives doing whatever that we dreamed of doing and were achieving.

It was not about money, or whatever that one can GET
it was not about status...
it was not about competition...
it was not about having children or getting married
or high grades in school
and what are you doing for living

It was just to be and have a good time. And out of all guys in the world this guy made me smile. One time he called me and invited me to go to the movies... when we were sitting and watching it I asked him why did all of a sudden he invited me to go see this particular film... and (he would hold my hand and it felt like children playing a game... like you are 4 and you are so pure and innocent and then you would hold their hands sometimes) he just smiled and looked at me he said "I've seen this movie before, but I just wanted to show it to you. The name of the movie was "What dreams are made of." By the way I work with the same guy who made this movie. "This must be nice. I am haooy for you." I replied. He taught me how to love people people for who they are without caring about anything else besides having a good time, besides caring about tomorrow.
I disliked myself, mostly the way things were going in my life. I did not feel like anything will ever change. I found things to numb the pain I had inside. But this guy he was looking into my soul and he would me feel that yes I can be loved yes that I can be hppy I can SMILE again.

It happened in the middle of a very hard time I had in my life. I cried in his arms sometimes. And one time he brought me a candy. And then there was more candy.

This guy was a film director from Chilly. He was just so deep and smart. He was a multidimentional being, kind of like the indigos... kind of like the one who stays a child for a very long time if ever really totally grows up. I met his next girlfriend. I was like Jeez that's for sure a better match and deep inside did it make me laugh. He moved away from the New York city back to Chilly. From the 3D pretentios cirle of clowns or actors... (pardon me). It was at least how I saw it at the time.

And I moved away eventually.

When we were together looking at each other we were completely different beings in different worlds yet we had one thing in common that was fueled with such complete understanding, despite all the things going on in lives... we wanted to be happy.

And he was the guy that made me feel happy. Not because he was a cool down to Earth good looking interesting guy that wasn't really into me and I was "well I'll find another one, oh well but in the end who cares", but because he made me happy. It was not about what one could "get". It was about life, it was about to be now, and not later not tommorow not like when people find somebody for their reasons, when they go out to see where the dead end relationship will go to, yet they spend so much time "building one" or looking for one, this was about now and about being happy. Sometimes he would say something deep that made me like him a lot. So he was understanding and polite enough not to break my heart.

Sometimes I listen to my own family and I feel so foreign to these beings and with others who are barely friends do I feel a sence of how it trully is suppose to be.

May be I just stayed at home for too long this time I remembered this. Because I was sick of the majority of people and something better be different when I find new friends.