I'm going crazy,help!

I am just lost in this life and can't find the way out...and I am fed up with everyone say:just love all of you and accept every shadow of your Being!I don't know who I am!I have already left old "mirror" of myself(how pretty and comfortable it was from the point of now),I can't find anything good from the past in present,it all suddenly dissapeared...I have no interests,no true friends,actually I live with boyfriend,but it seems to me that I'm just a burden for him...I'm also afraid of what is going to be next.How can I create better reality when I hate myself so much??Love is the answer?Where is it?I AM SO TIRED WITH THESE DOWN-UPS!I set up my intent for love,light,freedom and oneness every day,but this darkness makes me suffering more and more.
p.s. This message may look funny and weak to lightworkers.Yes,it is,-I say.My nearest people here do not understand me,but You do!
p.p.s. Of course I would receive help from professional if I had money.I'm alone on this path,but I will never give up!