More New Year's stuff

I've been having a really hard time the past few days. New Year's Eve has hit me hard. I went to a party ~ huge mistake ~ I knew I should have stayed home, but to make others happy, I went. Do I ever learn? Apparently not. Anyway, the lights, the music, and the two drinks I had, were definitely toooo much for this ultra-sensitive lightworker. Had a blackout - thankfully, I found my way to a safe place before hand - not something I like to happen, and pretty much lost my mind (temporarily). Of course everyone, including my date, decided that I was a drunken idiot, and made huge fun of me (again too much for me). Not feeling very safe, it's hard for me to after a blackout - anything could have happened - and maybe it did, I don't remember. Now I just want to cry and cry and cry, I compromised myself and my safety, and for what?

The episode also makes me very concerned about the person I'm dating. He knows all about me (we've known each other for 15 years) and that I am very different from most people. I have explained all about the anxiety/panic etc. that I can experience and that I need extra sensitivity in certain situations. Before we went to the party I told him that he would need to keep an eye on me because this might be a hard situation for me to deal with. Even though I had the blackout, I am aware of certain things, like me sitting in the truck alone for two hours, in freezing weather, and my date had no idea where I was - I don't know if he even looked for me. I do know that I rang in the new year alone in the cold, while he was inside partying it up and kissing all my girlfriends.

I guess what strickes me the most is that I rang in the new year alone ~ quite an omen if you ask me. I've always thought the celebration was intended for couples to be together welcoming the new year; guess I'm still flying solo?