addicted to nothing.

Here I sit, waiting. waiting for what, I always seem to think that something is really coming. That my healing is on its way. But I fail to realize i'm already healed. I'm already Christed. I'm already where I need to be when I keep WISHING for the future to be here, for the good times, for everything that i've always wanted. I have too many blocks, mainly in my heart. My spine twists and turns like a cobra serpent. But my serpent mistakenly started eating it's own tail because it got so hungry. So here I am choking up my tail, regurgitating myself and in search of my next target. Maybe I should fast? We don't need food anyway....Thank god I'll be doing some ayahuasca this solstice. That should REALLY open my eyes again. Because god damn they've been glued shut ever since I woke up. This world was too heavy for me and I just fell aparo gt. Now it's time to rebuild the inner empire. It has its foundation for sure, it's just finding it and breaking off the broken parts that will be the task. My heart is a cave. I don't even feel simple emotions yet i'm supposed to be one of the most powerful beings in the universe. Funny how that works....our bodies are so complex and can really easily trick us into beleiving ANYTHING as long as it's solid truth in physical form. It's really hard to emotionally clear without the proper tools, or the right silence. That's why we have medicine. I might be stuck in this black hole of a cave for YEARS if it weren't for brewer's yage which I thankkkkk SPIRITfully get to indulge in and will finally HEAL my wounds of this age. I've already aquired wounds when I was supposed to be free of them when I truly woke up over a year ago. Time is sure as f*** speeding up. Can't wait for the physical 2012, coz we're already in 3000 in our hearts.
So now i'm stuck. I can see all my roads ahead of me but there's a lot of gates to jump or break, or find the keys for. I am forced to find a new home by...tomorrow, and I have about 16 dollars with me which will pay for some food, the ayahuasca experience and maybe some LSD if i'm up for it. I always feel FREE on LSD because it opens up the pineal gland to the universe, so maybe i won't care that I have no home or money tomorrow...haha. Perfect timing to find a place, right around christmas time when it's cold and boring outside. Gotta love the chemtrails too, i'll be sleeping under those =). No no, i should have a friends to stay at that I met a few weeks ago, he seems like he needs a friend as well. I just hope i'm not actually stuck in the cold. My roomies were chill with me at first but the girlfriend wants her goddamn privacy in a 3 bedroom apartment. Grr....girls. She didn't even converse with ryan beforehand, she just told me off. Ryan doesn't mind at all!!! But I am glancing at the idea that the universe has decided for me, and that Katie was just relaying the message. Hell, it saved me 50 dollars and I got to stay here and extra week. Atleast I have my 3 friends aquamarine, amethyst and rose quartz. and some cell food. I asked thy mother for plane ticket to hawaii, so maybe i'll be lucky enough to retreive that as a Christ-mas gift. After all, I am Christ.....shouldn't I get what I want? I hear there's a lot of work in Maui and there's really no jobs here (as if I even wanted one...), I could just marrily enjoy myself if I were to work on the ISLANDS!! I love paradise. Here it's a gross winter, with little precipitation because the god damn world bankers want me to burn in radioactive paradise with their chemtrails and particle accelerators. I'm sure Hawaii has the same bullshit but atleast there's beautiful women, lots of marijuana and the OCEAN. That is what i'm lacking in my life. I'm a pisces and I need my water. Or else i'll choke to death on air......polluted air......of which has already happened I just seem to have some magical healing powers with me. I know someday my abilities will be needed, but until then I am just worthless scum to the higher powers. Wait til they need me....HAH! I was defenitely born many years too early, like 150 years too early, but mistakes happen in the universe and I'll sure as hell do what I can in this day and age. It wasn't really a mistake, I just feel much too early because of all the dark ridden bullshit happening. But i'm here to help clear. I can't even clear my self yet.....that's a sure fire sign that there's a lot of darkness to be guided.
So since it's a 9 year, and this year kind've sucked, and the 8 year was horrible, but the 7 year was UTTER BLISS, then what does that show for the next 9 year cycle? 9 is completion, which i'm stuck trying to complete old contracts and relationships (which i'll clear by new years), and 8 is an infinite/soul level year, which was horrible because I didn't realize everything going on around me, and the 7 year was utter bliss because 7 is my favorite number and 7 means perfection, then I feel this next cycle will be of worth. Sorry for rambling to anyone whos reading this, I just need the extra white blood cells because i'm probably not going to be at a computer for a while. I must take my leave, merry christmas, happy new year, love you all. goodbye until next time.