Learning how to detach this Christmas…

I had been in a relationship on and off for 3 years I love this man with all my heart, I made a mistake to try one more time after we broke up for a month all I wanted was his love, respect and share the rest of my life with him. I thought that was enough for him and I to realize the mistakes from the past… but it was'nt.

How difficult a human can make a relationship? How difficult is to respect the person next to you?… How many times someone that you love so much can say and do things that hurt you?

How many times someone can ask for forgiveness over and over for the same mistake? I was reading a blog that made me understand... that this person it’s just not going to get it… at least not for now, I was full of hope but I lost my battle. I could not believe he keep doing the same mistake over and over AGAIN!… Every time he hurt me, I become evil, fighting back in many ugly ways, inside and out, it was like a nasty circle over and over and this person who I was becoming I dislike. So I have to make a decision... I have to let go… I have dreams… I was just awakened… I want to walk in the light… I want to care for someone as much someone will care for me... and you are just a stone in my path!...
My heart its broken, is hurting in the middle of my chest I cannot breathe... because my breath cannot come all the way in… I am praying and aking the angels to take this pain away and never make the same mistake. I cry last night and send love to him, I forgive him and I forgive myself. This pain shall pass and it is better than continuing without any hope.

+++++

I was fooled at my last job walked with nothing… made the mistake to cry in my sofa for months

I have been looking for a job and no luck yet… My brother move from Puerto Rico to live with me back in August and I say ahhhhhhhhhh at least he can help me a little but he was also fired from his job 3 weeks ago now there is two jobless in the house… I have ran out of my savings, my refrigerator its almost empty I am learning to go by with the most basic things… and sometimes go by not having any...
My poor mother its helping me with her savings to pay my mortgage and her savings will be enough till January… in February who knows? This Christmas is the first time I do not have anything to offer to anyone no Christmas shopping. I have gone to the stores to feel and remember how I use to pay a 20 dollar bill for anything without caring and now learning to detach myself for what I cannot get… Learning to embrace what I do have... Seeing others at the stores, happy shopping for their siblings and trust me It's not easy I still have to go back and will not stop till I feel happiness. WHAT A LESSON!!!

We all spoke to one another My Mom, daughter and brother and told to each other this Christmas there will be no gifts and everyone understood. While I was driving to take my brother to the airport my Angels gave me a great idea… When you go back home look around the house for something that you dear most, wrap it and give it to your mom, daughter and brother I was so happy! Yes, Yes, Yes, why not!.

I thank the angels... I went back home look around could not see anything that I value much and they will like so I went to my jewelry box and took my 18K Indian gold earrings for my mom, I found silver necklace and bracelet with my name on it wish is also her name, for my daughter, I try it ...one last time and let go of it... I still going around the house trying to find something significant for my brother… Even thought we will not have a Christmas eve dinner we will have fun exchanging gifts with a hot cup of cocoa... Thank you Angels…

Thanks for reading my blog
XOXO
rose