It's scary!

I'm not very sure that I can ask of others the things that I demand of myself. I hear people say that they'll be there, thick and thin, good and bad.. With very few exceptions, I find that all it means is that they'll be there for as long as they really feel it beneficial to their own sense of humanity. After that, it's pretty much a drag, and they move on to other things. Again, there are a few exceptions to this, and those bonds are cherished above all to me.

It takes a lot of courage for me to admit many of my faults. Lately, my Brothers and Sisters, my inner light has been struggling. It pains me to tell you, but I feel you deserve to know, that I've been fighting. I've been fighting the negativity of myself, and taking it out on those that I love, hurting the very people that I made a personal and secret oath to their souls to protect and nurture.

I have been so brainwashed and jaded by things that have happened in the past, that I'm expecting people to bail out on me. I'm expecting one re-nig after another. I'm expecting promises broken. I'm expecting my own heart to break. I'm expecting to be left behind, to wither and fade. I'm expecting to be forgotten, as if I simply don't exist.

It's not that I would want any of those things.. I do not. In fact, I fear them. I fear abandonment. I fear being decieved. I fear the pain that a broken heart and soul are forced to endure. I fear being forgotten.

Perhaps I simply ask too much.