[9 of 365] Why 365? (Awakening and health, a plan for this year)

I have not been posting channeled (or conversations with higherself) blog entries at the rate at which I had planned. I wanted to do one a day. It was a bit ambitious. But why 1 a day? Why now?

I want to radically transform my life.

I want to pay attention to Spirit everyday for a year.
I need some accountatbility to do it. Doing it publicly is the main way I know how. (or can convince my self to do it)

I think my body is rebelling (see previous blog entry!) I am not sure why I am experiencing these symptoms, I just know they coincide with my beginning yoga (they were not present when I first began the yoga, but I was crying every day, now i'm not crying every day, I am itching.)

Why now?

That's a good question. I am not ENTIRELY sure, but I am ready.

Part of me feels like I am getting burned alive. (hmmmmmmmm.) Lately parts of my body have felt like they were burning.
My head, my leg. Is it some kind of bizarre neuropathy? Metaphorical? Past life? A parasite? (Simply not reading the directions on the new "intuition" (ha ha) razor I bought?) Goodness knows.

It certainly does not feel like goodness.

But this *IS* radical change I am talking about.

Radical change from what?

Identifying with illness and poverty

I am lucky and blessed. I know this. I am able to sing and dance and love and cry.

I sail yachts with billionaires, yet i live on public assistance.
I look totally healthy yet i have survived the most complicated neurosurgery.
I have taught in the Ivy League Medical School but I do not have any degree.
I live a double life. I am Clark Kent and SuperMan and we all know what happened to Superman, Christopher Reeves.

18 years ago I had a cyst removed from my brain stem area. (You could also call it a brain tumor, but that would only be incorrect because of the ICDO medical codes and the cell type it was!! luckily "benign")
It was misdiagnosed for about 3 years. My brain stem was so compressed
it took 18 hours to remove this sticky fatty little octopus (it had tentacles)
out of my brain. I did miraculously well.

I did have some mild brain injury as a result that affects my concentration and attention.
I am still very smart, I just do dumb things. (It interferes with my daily life and I am
not able to be in a traditional work setting. I am lucky and resourceful, but I still feel blocked.
Our society is not equipped to deal with such conditions.)

I do believe however, their messing around in my brain, waked me up a great deal in the psychic spiritual sense.

When my first friend died from having a brain tumor, I believe that is when my awakening began.

I went out to meditate in the soft gentle rain. It was 1992

It was warm falling on me, but my tears were even warmer.

I sat and cried and chanted for a long while.

Energy started coming out of my fingertips. My hands tensed up and I cold feel
the energy going trhough my body, it almost hurt. It was like I was a lightening rod.
I am just realizing this now.

I wrote for several days and did not sleep. I don't know if those notebooks are still at my parents house
I had almost forgotten, they contained all these universal truths.

I began to understand EVERYTHING.

It might have been some kind of mania, but I think it was AWAKENING.
And my friend who had died was calling out to me. I am crying now, so again, it must be TRUTH TEARS.

I got off track.

Why now?

Without going into all the details. I was told a few year ago that the cyst had grown back.
The surgeon who did the original operation said he had gotten it all and I wouldnt' have to
worry about it again for 20 years if at all. We are at 18 years now. And the scans did
show that something was coming back. The surgeon I have following it now says he wants to put off surgery as long as possible. I believe in miracles. I do. I just did not think I had the power to create them.

I am wanting to manifest a miracle. I am giving myself 365 days of concentrated effort of changing my life.
Of speaking and walking in love.

I do not want to have surgery again. I want the cyst to dissolve. I want to totally regain and improve my cognitive functioning. (no one can tell I lost IQ points but me, this is fortunate ; ) I do not want to feel in fear of my future, health or financial well being.

I know that I have helped in the healing of others. I have built healing communities. But I had not asked for help for myself. I am a prolific artist and poet. I have been recognized for these skills. I am working to bring those skills to the place where I can derive support.

I began that journey here dear friends.

I know I will be a more powerful lightworker at the the end of this year of concentrated effort.

Already so many of you have reached out to me.

One sent a healing group to help me. I believe a 4,5,6th? dimensional healer reached in and took the cyst out.

Another sends me Reiki everytime he thinks of it.

Another sends me an Emerald Green Blanket.

Another calls me on the "phone" to invite me to a healing meditation

So many of you leave your smiling face and kind words on my page, and all of you did not know any of this about me yet.

I am so grateful to find this place.

So grateful to feel a family when my Earth family is broken and pained
though it too has healed in some small ways and yet been blown further apart in others.

Even my tears now are burning my face.

I want to believe the physical symptoms I am having are the cyst dissolving. I want to have an MRI and see that the cyst is gone. And I can go on in my life without fear. Before this healing group, I was getting nervous as I do every year around MRI time and I had called the neurosurgeon to make an appointment to take the scans of it, his reply
was that I could wait a year.

365 days.

I will share them with you.

Namaste.