I Want To Close My Eyes And See My Dreams

Friends,

Over the past 12 weeks, I feel like I have began a great spiritual journey. When I was very young, I am told that I was highly intuitive, radiant, and connected with the spirit realm. I hear stories from various people, related and unrealted, of how I could communicate with the spirit relam and how my presence was one of brilliant upliftment. I still feel these feeling deep within me, I feel my true heart waiting to be expressed, I feel my body waiting to evolve, I feel my spirit waiting to be free. As I grew older, my gifts began to dwindle, I feel as if I purposefully seperated myself from them, because they were must have indeed been overwhelming in a world that is so seperate from reality. I supressed my true self, and a couple weeks ago I realized something very interesting. I don't know how I have gone so far in life without realizing this fundamental aspect of myself that is likely holding me back a great deal from spiritual progress. I am 19, and glad that I have realzied this barrier now so that I may begin to overcome it. When I close my eyes, I can not imagine anything visually. When I close my eyes all I see is the darkness that is my eyelids. I do not remember my dreams often, but have experienced lucid dreams on ocassion, and thus I know that I have the ability and capacity to imagine. I feel like I might be scared on a subconsious level of what I might see if I really open myself up, but my will is strong to unlock this ability. I literally as of now can not imagine, I feel so aloof, so abstract, I want to see what is really me. I ask everyone I know and they all say that they can visualize pictures in their minds, of course to varying degrees, I feel like if I can master this ablity my creative and healing potentials will become fully realized. I also realize that this is not something anyone can overcome but myself, I am curious to hear if this is something anyone else has experienced, and what advice people would have to begin the process of awakening. I should also mention that as an adolecent I became very rational minded, and challenged the idea of divinity, although I still felt there was somehow more. I think ultimately somewhere along the road I lost my innate ability to believe, I just want to believe.

-May love guide Us-

Peace