"Daddy...fight for me"

OPERATION LETS FIND NANNY A HOME
I finially got ahold of my son. I haven't been able to talk to him since around the 6th when I told him my panic attacks had gotten so bad I had to leave Ratna Ling. He said.."Mom, I had a feeling cause you are never wrong when these things happen to you. You've been feeling Jonnie. No one told me anything but after I talked tto you I contacted CPS wondering what was up with my kids and going to see if they could intervene to allow me to visit them. That's how I found out. I talked to Jonnie mom. He said "daddy, please fight for me" And fight he is. He's going to have me approved so I can call the kids and talk to them the first of this week. And what's more! He's done so well they are releasing him from the drug rehab this Thursday the 22nd, which I didn't even realize was Thanksgiving day, and indeed it is. These past few months have been the longest I have ever been seperated from my son before. I have mourned greatly for the missing of him dispite our mental contact....man those hugs are worth a million smiles and a thousand Doctors. I told Jon now when I have the 'attacks' I hug myself and tell Jonnie everything will be alright and though I still cry and can feel his broken heart, the tears become love and hope, instead of panic and fear. And I could hear the 'bubble' in Jon's voice that he was as glad to hear from me as I was him. He said "I've been waiting to hear from you mom. You know this is going to be real hard and alot of work, but I am hopeful. I know I can do this...but it will probably take me 6 months to get custody back of the kids"
aww and look..the sun just came out! hee hee. Tho it was Sunday and I am gimped with a bad ankle and no car or phone I was going to find my kids and talk to my son if I had to hitch a ride on an angels back all the way to the next town where Jon is. I stepped outside to see how bad it was raining and the manager here saw me struggling to walk. He just happened to have a knee high velcrow left foot brace...hmmm...imagine the odds of that. Unbelievable the difference it made! That was a wow and a big thank you. It enabled me to hobble down to the pay phone and I finially got to talk to my son. I am still crying for the joy and releaf just to hear his voice. I love him more than life or breath..........
I also wrote to a friend of mine up at Ratna Ling who has connections with those who may be able to help me with my homeless situation because my credit is bad at the moment and I'm, well, rather broke...hahaha..don't even own a pair of shoes is pretty poor I think hahaha! But you know...I'm the richest person in the world. I have something that far surpasses any worldy wealth, the love of my family. I know what it feels like to not feel loved. To feel like my very exzistance was a waste of energy and oxygen to this planet. I was 3 years old, the age of my second Grandchild now, when I tried to commit suicide. I really believed I was born in the wrong place and time and was not ment to be here. I was already in my 5th foster home at 3. I felt I was trapped in my body and if I could drain all the fluids out it would kill the outside shell and I'd be free to go on with life. So I spent hours on a pile of broken glass trying to break open the veins in my arms with several shards of glass...obviously to no avail. That was the first time I ever really noticed angels. I remember three about me that afternoon all acting like they were trying to be helpful. They said my theory was correct, they said yes I was doing it right, but nothing would happen. I couldn't even get a scratch much less a cut. I remember running in frustration feeling like they were laughing at me cause I couldn't do that right either. I remember one putting his arms around me as I wepted on my bed and said i was doing it right, it just wasn't ment to be. That that was like cheating and that it was ment for me to live...tho he never would tell me why. They did intervene many times in that horrible place and protected me and were instrumental in getting ahold of the Hess's, a good home I had been in, and the Hess's found me and petitioned the courts to have me returned and that horrible place was shut down and those mean people went to jail for being mean to little boys and girls. The Spirit of Love, and the angels, and the spirits of my ansesters have been with me ever since. I don't talk to dead people...but I've learned alot about life and love and the universe from living Spirits My heart breaks so to see my Grandchildren suffer this kind of trauma but I know that somehow they will truely know, belive, and feel that they are loved..........