How I got here

It has been a very emotional year. The events in my life and how I feel have all been very heavily affected by energies I do not understand, guided by a destiny I struggle daily to glimpse.
When I was young I had dreams so clear and crisp I often woke up very confused. Over the years I started to trust that those dreams had a tendency to come true. Right around 13 is when my own brain became my best friends and best listener. To this day I talk to myself more than to anyone I know. Also I could more than just "See" with my eyes how others felt. I started to literally feel them inside of my own heart. I patted myself on the back for being so sensitive to others' emotions and that I was just very observant. By the time I got to high school my eyes kept adding swirling milky colors around people when I wasn't paying attention. I convinced myself the colors and the dreams were all just side effects of my incredibly over active imagination and so they both stopped. I didn't think much of it just that I was finally growing up and that it was natural to stop imagining I saw things or new things I could not know.
So I arrived at college just another among thousands. And I made friends and started partying, and drinking and smoking weed and thought I was finally normal. Thanks to the drinking, and everything else, I had stopped receiving insights about people and feeling strange compulsions to do or learn certain things. So I disappeared from the world for 6 years.
All of a sudden I was is my mid twenties and alone in the world again. Life hadn't gone as planned and I wasn't happy with the little I was making of myself. At this point the partying and the drinking and even the smoking were cut down to almost none. And the dreams came back. Except now its like I can't remember them well enough or if I do they are confused and jumbled and impossible to see clearly. But I wake up knowing they are from the same place as the ones I had when I was younger. The feeling was the same. My empathy never went away so it wasn't a shock when I started more purposefully examining peoples energy to find that I really COULD sense a color and temperature and temperament to it. I don't think its like before but in some ways its more exact if less vivid. In the middle of all this rediscovery I was also pretty depressed so it wasn't all fun. Around this time I made a friend. He didn't have any of these impressions or feelings but what he did show me was how many mysteries and wonders in the world were almost unknown to the general population. I had always been a huge UFO and conspiracy theory fan, now I know I was always drawn to seeking the truth. But he showed me more layers and more support for these theories than I had ever known was available. I started researching late into the night, about UFO's, Ancient contacts, ancient prophecies, modern cover-ups, the list grew wider and wider. I was making connections on my own that no one else was talking about. Connections between the prophecies of widely distant ancient peoples; connections between modern UFO lore and ancient religious practices; between Biblical dogma and modern science. What I found was that ALL sources of information were valid. All points of view contained some truth. I was shocked to see how much of the origin of life had been accurately recorded by people who could have had no worldly knowledge of such things. Of course also I was getting frustrated with how stubborn and narrow minded so many of these sources were. It seamed off to me that Christian believers wouldn't look at scientific evidence of how life began and REJOICE at how accurately the Bible had said things happened in the order that they did. Instead they would argue about the length of time it took. Silly details of language and interpretation that could keep people from taking PROOF of God and act like it was against God. Anyways, we are all familiar with this phenomenon which is why I use it as example. Other examples would be things like the Mayan creation and the Christian creation being so similar, The latest telescopes telling us facts about distant stars that tribes like the Hoppi and Maya had known for thousands of years.
By this point I had no doubt that buried in all the dogma of man-kind's history and religious texts were actual truths about the Universe, ourselves, the Creator and more. One had only to turn over the appropriate rock.

This was now my purpose.

Everything about myself began to make sense. Why I liked the things I liked, why I had certain talents and interests. I was meant to learn all this and more. Then the party really started.
In the middle of an all night research session into Mayan culture, I watched a video that helped me see how accurate their interpretation of the Cosmic history was. I knew these people had been blessed with the understanding I was seeking. I learned more and more, researching the Mayan calendar and how it applied to me. On my quest I stumbled upon this website, quite by accident. I can't remember what I read or what I learned but I had cause to lie down on my bed and stair out into space with my thoughts. I began to drift and swirl and then it was like a flow of water being poured over my head although it wasn't wet or cold. It was just there, and making me more and more dizzy I started to feel myself disappearing into the swirl. I had been crying for some time without noticing and my eyes were obscured by colorful swirls and my mind swam with thoughts, facts, dates, people. I was losing myself and started to get scared and so it slowed and I found myself laying on my bed, face wet from the tears and my mind too full. But I knew then what I HAD to do. I have never felt more clear of purpose in all my life. So I feel asleep, and the nest morning didn't even remeber what had happened. Not for a while.
That was almost a year ago and my purpose has not wavered at all. I have to go on a journey of discovery, I have go to important places I want to see for myself in order to fill some gaps. I feel a lot of what was in my mind during that experience is gone. But in its place are little place holders telling me "A Truth goes here. Go find it" and I think I know where to look.
So here I am now. I have been so focused on these ideas I have sacrificed financial security, and with that my relationship. But all I want to do is explore these ancient sites of power and wisdom. I am heading to the Yucatan as soon as I can gather my resources. I am a film-maker so I intend to document my journeys. That is as important as the discovery. I feel I am the pathfinder, and that the path is not just mine. But as with all journeys it is that first step that is most difficult and you have all been so encouraging and inspirational. I have made some friends here on Lightworkers. Some became so important to me I hope I did not put too much pressure on them. Thank you for your kind guidance and love.
I know what I should do, and I am happy. I am a Truth Seeker, I am a Blue Magnetic Storm, and I AM the Pathfinder.

May all your hearts be filled with love for each other and through each other may you all discover your True hearts.
Zi'An Tal