I am in dire need of help....

My story in a nutshell...my emotional body is trapped and needs releasing ASAP as it has needed releasing for the past year but it becomes more and more evident. All I know is this emotional release is hiding something very very deep and important. My shadow has overtaken me because I let it overtake me when I played with too much energy in december 2005 when I realized my christ powers and abused them. I created a HUGE vortex of energy around my being for 3 days that sucked me and my soul mate dry and has ruined us ever since. How do i heal this? There is a gateway that I asked for entrance into before this occurence and any time I go there physically I feel how weak and somber I am being. I asked God for infinite knowledge on December 25, 2005 and then wrote a 2 page channeling directly from Christ Consciousness and I STUPIDLY felt I was the reincarnation of Jesus himself and tricked myself into BELEIVING IT FOR ALMOST 3 MONTHS when I felt the consequences and fell vibrationally back to 0. I suffered a deep psychic attack while playinng with amphetamines (unprotected because I didn't realize I needed to, thinking everything was light /heaven and there was no darkness anymore) and many attacks by the illuminati through chemtrails and remote FUCKING as I like to call it. I DONT KNOW HOW TO EMOTIONALLY CLEAR MY SELF even though I know exactly how to! Every time I concentrate on breathing I fall back into my endless mind cycle. I feel posessed but I realize it's only my own shadow. Infact I KNOW i'm posessed and i don't know what to think of it. I know i'm missing 90% of my emotional and spiritual being and i am VERY numb because of it. A lot of it has to do with my x girlfriend who I'd imagined was my life partner and soul mate and we shortly fell apart after and now we avoid eachother at all costs. Please please i know my divinity but I am so blind to my own guidance that I need help from you guys. I am so desperate now. I can't even get a job or have a home because of this position I am in. I'm stuck living off of other people and stealing from the local grocery mart because I can't get along with society and its demands. Any help would be DEEPLY appreciated. I love you all even though i can't feel my own love right now.
-Brendan