31 About Myself part 2

Initially I wanted to write a blog about India. My guide is telling me to write about myself, which is basically the same. India is me! I came here with the idea to find peace and what I found, I found conflict. India the land of conflicts? I found a conflict here and the conflict seems endless, no way out, no hope, no solution; only suffering. Being patient, being accepting, being optimistic this is my lesson.

To find peace in a state of conflict? How could I attract such a disaster in my life? What is the lesson? I already mentioned it above. This teaches me that many times we ask questions and we have the answers there, but we are looking outside for them!!

Being happy, being joyful, being full of love and light in such a hopeless situation is my lesson! How many Indian people are living like this all their lives? When the suffering becomes so big, that the body/mind cannot cope, then the only way is the way to go inside and stop thinking.

My way is music, it uplifts me and makes me forget my pain. When my body is dancing then there is only enjoyment. The body is happy, the mind also takes benefit from it. The strange thing is that when I am able to be in that state of bliss, other people seem to be like on another stage. They are there, but they are not. It is like they are in one dimension and I am in another. It feels like the other people are not able to see me, it is like I am invisible!

There are people who are able to connect to my space and those are the people I can work with. I am not working with them but I work though them. It is something like hypnotizing. Those people become fascinated with me and they feel a strong attraction. Mostly the people get afraid from that strong feeling and don’t make a second contact. This is a pity because in that space; which is a space of creation, many things happen.

I must also admit that since today I have also not put much effort to establish a deep connection with anybody; except Shoshana! There is also a fear inside me to do that, because I am going in a territory which is usually not accepted by society if this happen between opposite sexes. Deep connections are usually intimate relations and therefore it is limited to one person.

I am sure that I want deep, meaningful relationships, where there is unconditional love and understanding. This is, where a change in attitude must be achieved by humans. Relationships with the opposite sex in a natural way! There are these five energy centers and if they are open humans could relate on all levels. Relating on a sexual level, doesn’t mean to have sex. Here there is a strong conflict in nearly all humans, or maybe only in the males?

I am convinced to have a deep relation with a person of opposite sex, without any sex or even without any thought of having sex together is possible. The sexual energy is there and transmuted into spiritual energy. It is an energy which creates.

I am so happy to be able to write this. This is a big issue for me and I know for many others. There are so many misunderstandings in this area. One of two friends wants something sexual and is afraid to say it, because he or she doesn’t want to loose the friendship with the other person.

My nature till now, has been very secretive, I hide information. This makes my partner suspicious and this is not good in a relationship. This is a vibrational issue. My vibration is telling that I have a secret and my partner doesn’t understand because I do not share everything with her. This vibration is affecting everything I am doing. I vibrate and I give the idea to any person that this our relationship is something secret. This vibration is creating a fear in the people; they can feel that there is something “wrong” behind that lovely attitude.

Behind every action there is a reason and also behind that reason there is another reason… To find out the reason behind this is my duty. So, the reason of my behavior is to be a mirror to my partner. To exactly find out the week point of my partner! To help her and to not take advantage of knowing her week point.

It is time to change that vibration, what do you think? It is not a good life to be separated. We are all one and to be secretive means to be separate. I am the change I want to see in the world.

Samaya tantra is the highest form of tantra. The vibrations are pure; there is no sex involved. The whole of samaya tantra is an internal process of melting the female and the male energies.

What is my experience about tantra and samaya tantra? The word samaya was going around my head for many years. I felt it must mean something like victory. Only last year I had the idea to put the word on the internet and found a few pages about samaya tantra. What a surprise! I must have known about from some past live?

The teacher I attracted in this lifetime had some ideas about tantra, but unfortunately (or fortunately) he could not overcome his animal instinct. Why I say fortunately?? It is because he is an example of how, when we do things with “wrong” intentions, the outcome or end result is a disaster.

Here a reminder to my previous blogs. “Keep your rational left side always aware, when you are going to do something, think about all the consequences and don’t be blind, you will pay for it!” This is how we create our reality!! Disasters don’t just happen, there is a vibration, a intention from our side to make it happen. We are powerful! Let’s create pure magic and no disasters!

Thank you

18.10.2007 the Centre of Light