When things just get more complicated, not easier...

I think my life is a purification life. I don't think there's any other way of getting rid of karma than to live it through. Right? But I wish that although the lessons seem to be getting more complicated and challenging, I would also sense more lightness and relief. I'm right now in transition to move to the US, following the feeling that an online contact with a man over there has given me. He feels love for me. I think I feel love too, but I always had a difficult time with love. I don't become infatuated. Nowadays I simply start to love someone when I'm around them and accept them. Everything is awfully complicated this time around. The authorities are asking for a fiancées visa that would take over 6 months to process. I need to clear out all my belongings and select a few to bring to the US, plus give up a certain amount of security I have where I'm at right now. I'm escaping the dullness of my life over here but is that really a bad thing? Why not look for something better if a place really seems to bring you down? The environement does affect us so maybe we need to keep looking... That's already a very tough process. But I will have to go there with the hope that I won't be deported although I am not following the strict instructions by the authorities. I simply can't wait anylonger for a new chance in life. I have practiced mindful patience for way too long ;-). I wonder if the adversities (lack of money, lack of opportunities to make choices, the negative feedback from the authorities and other "experienced" people are lessons that I am not understanding yet, or tests to see if I can discern what is really important. I don't know why all this has to be so complicated. Am I doing something wrong? I am trying as much as I can to be open and positive, but my ailments and all these difficulties make it hard to stay focused. When I affirm for a better life it starts to sound corny, simply because I can't for the life of me believe that I can make things up when life itself knows better than me what I really need. I don't know what kind of attitude would work best for me as an individual. Mainstream ideas don't seem to fit me too well. I'm a bit of a dissident in some ways, always looking for my own way. So I don't know if anyone can help me and give me any guidance, but I'd appreciate it very much if someone did!!! Thank you and blessings :-) Vivi-Mari