Karmic Responsibility ~ Not for the Faint of Heart

For those of you not familiar with this story,I will post the archives Kingly Haste, Egypt, and The King Tut Exhibit in the near future, it will make a lot more sense~

My Dearest Love,

I don't know who I am without your pain
I have been carrying your pain
for thousands of years
I don't know how to let it go

We've repeated the same pattern
for so many lives
that I can't imagine life without you
I am so afraid to let go, I don't want to lose you!

But I know that if I don't let you have your pain
I will never have the opportunity to live in peace
to have my power and to possibly love you again

I have been holding you back
from your lessons and your life
I release this pain
the depth of this murderous burden
back to its rightful owner
I release it with love and light

I don't know who I am without this pain
but I am willing to embrace who I am now
I give you your pain my love
I am not doing this to hurt you
I am doing this because I have to
It is my responsibility

I love you with every possible atom
that is rightfully mine
knowing that you can hear me
can see me
because we are One

I wouldn't be surprised if you were crying
right now
I don't know if I will ever have the chance
to love you again in physical form
but I have to take that risk
as it is what needs to be done

I have died many times in my heart
knowing that you are on this planet with me
and I cannot touch you
I have not been able to face this pain until now

Who knew I would be doing this?

Please take what's yours
as I can't carry this burden
one more second

I buried your sternum in the streets of Thebes
it is in a doorway, tucked in, off of an alley way
I buried it there so that no one would ever know
that you had been murdered

I miss you
I want you back
Your life has so much meaning to me,
not who you're with, or that you are who you are
I could care less

In fact, I have hesitated becoming who I am meant to be
because I have been avoiding you
But now that is impossible
My mama made sure of that

I don't know how to be in this world without you anymore
I have done it for so long
so many lifetimes I remember you, there,
leaving me, tragically of course

I saw this guy today, who was a reminder to me
that I never have to be abandoned again

I don't know if I can survive you again.
My heart has broken a thousand times for you
Thank God it hasn't happened in this life
but that these are all just memories
painful nonetheless

Life just keeps going
And my heart bleeds
I have to let go
so afraid to hurt you
you have been hurt enough
but if I hold on one more minute,
I will change destiny forever

So, my love
I must do what needs to be done
I give you your pain
I give it to you and just trust
that whatever comes will come
and life will move on

I am responsible for holding back your true soul's lessons
I take full responsibility for what I have done
and I don't even know how to say I am sorry

I lost you and my best friend at the same time
And now I have to let both of you go
to embrace my true destiny

My power is wrapped up in this experience
I have to retrieve my power
I can't live without it anymore

I was so afraid of losing my best friend
that I lost her
I love her more than I can comprehend right now
and all I know that I lost both of you at the same time

I do hope we are able to come together at some point
I can't imagine living without being at peace with all of us
I need this to happen, I don't know how
but I just know that I was extremely selfish
by taking your heart away from you
and by allowing her to be buried with you!

I regret those actions that I took
and I am sooooo sorry
Please forgive me for all the lifetimes that I let you go
and did not know what I had done!
I ask also my best friend, that you please forgive me
for letting you die, for being a victim
and not fighting for your life!

I now understand why I always felt like I was
making it up to you
And why I never felt worthy of your friendship
You loved me the best way you could
but I never quite felt it
because I wasn't capable of receiving it

I always felt guilty of your kindness
I never felt deserving of your love or friendship
I always felt like I didn't deserve you
and I was always trying to prove my love for you
Now I know why

Someday maybe I will have the opportunity
to share with you this information
and we can be at peace
I can't believe I chose any of this
But of course I did
This is my karma, no one else's!
Please forgive me!

Copyright 2007 Written by Saralise