The First Shall be Last

Lightworkers... First Ones !
With tremendous amounts of love and compassion do I feel the push to bring forth a message which may reach you here. I've joined the lightworkers in my early 20s - back when I was young - in the 1980's - Oh, I don't claim to have been one of the first, far be it. However, among the people I was with at the time, I certainly was a funny bird. They did not understand what I was all about, called me names, thought I was a witch (not that i mind being called a witch) - I took to riding a broom through the living room just to produce a laugh :)

Anyways, the journey has brought me from being born without a veil, pure and loving, filled with compassion for everyone, a shy girl with big blue eyes and long eye lashes, to experience the total darkness in the family patterns of alcohol and abuse. Broken, unable to stay in the physical realm very long, I lived an almost etherical existence, giving only the mental plane a chance to experience the pyhsical world. Oh, mind you, I managed just fine, nothing could touch me then. I excelled at school and was being a good girl. Drugs had no pull on me, I wasn't needing to go on a trip - I already was on a trip.

I was then guided to remember the sciences of Astrology and the skill of Tarot, continued on to clear the channel and tippytoe every once in a while onto the Earth to connect the worlds. Suffice it to say, I was early for the things I knew were strange and the folks around me had other things in mind. I kept a lot to myself and went on remembering, rediscovering and integrating the knowledge of many lifetimes. I began working on the family patterns to clear them out and still am to this day :) - The lightworker was born when I helped guide departed people into the light. That was in my early 20s as well. I was a channel for Vywamus, the higher self of the planetary logos Sanat Kumara and served for 3 years in that capacity, until the contract ran out. I learned so much during that time, but still held so many fears. The main fear was that of darkness, the evil things, the negativity. I was totally engulfed in clearing chakras, protecting myself with angels, symbols, light bubbles, crystals, you name it. For a while I smudged my house with sage every day - (until the smell became overwhelmingly icky to me). I was nearly obsessed with pushing away the negative things and focussing on the good alone. This meant that I was also pushing away a part of myself, for low and behold... there was NEGATIVITY inside me - there was anger, fear, grief, all the not so nice emotions, I hadn't dealt with. Oh it was clear that my compassion, love and light capacities overrode the negativity, so I wasn't that bad, right?

I've learned a few very important lessons since then...

Negativity:
I was psychically attacked by a former shaman teacher - she did not think I would know that it was her, who attacked my energies - all my protections had failed, I had huge cramps in my solar plexus and horrible dreams - it went on for quite a while and I tried my very best to protect myself, invoke help from my spirit guides and the angels, but I was to learn a lesson, so they didn't help much. I started to have physical symptoms until my now husband (phoenixryzing here) helped me out: He said, "don't fight her energy back, accept it, transform it, even pull on it to the extent that she will weaken at the other end, transform all that negativity, not by sending it away, but by lovingly processing it through your heart". Boy was I scared to do that - after all I was a lightworker and I was not to come in contact with that icky stuff called "evil" or "negativity" - suffice it to say, I already was in contact with it. So I stepped into a place which I now recognize as "my power" and started ACCEPTING what was being sent my way instead of fighting it back. I took it INTO me, into my body, into my heart and into my soul and saw it change - I saw the energy neutralize as the love in my heart balanced with the negative energies and I felt its impact on my systems lessen. I had stepped over the threshold of fear into the power of light. I took it all in and within me the negativity could no longer exist. The energy transformed and was flowing into the Earth. I then pulled on that person's energy and took more and more of her bad intentions towards me and did the same - kept doing that for about a week. Needless to say, the attacks stopped and I have not seen this person for 5 years, even though we live in the same town. The lesson was over. I had seen, learned, remembered.

Judgment:
My dear husband, a rebel indigo in his own right, took me along to a counter culture event in Portland. Was I scared or what? - I didn't know what to wear even. OK, I packed my black T-shirt and the rugged jeans, but other than that, I had no chains or punk hairdo that I could blend in with.... no tattoos or piercings other than the earlobes either....

Well - into that field I went, dressed "normally", not fitting in at all, cause all the eye would see was "counter culture dress-up". All the heart could see however was people who dare to be who they believe they are. People like you and me who found a group who doesn't judge by outfits, by sexuality, by gender, by profession, in short a group of people who doesn't JUDGE.... who doesn't want to be judged, but provoke judgement daily.

Needless to say, it was the most peaceful weekend I had experienced in my whole life. The events were bizarre to my taste, the talks with the folks on their smoke breaks were deeply spiritual and wholly nurturing. In short, I had a great time ! and I lost all fears of people dressed like that. They are human, they are actually caring individuals - and... they don't JUDGE... I was an outsider, it showed in my clothes, but none of the folks there ostracized me for it, there was no need to do that for they were not feeling threatened.

One of the speakers however wondered, why the counter culture event was mainly male dominated. I went up to him after his speech and told him why. I said: "the females are with the "love and light-crowd" ! " - He stared at me and couldn't believe what he had heard. I was thinking how wonderful a joint weekend with panel discussions between the counter culture folks and the lightworkers would be... perhaps one of you has experienced such an event?

Balance:
The key to everything is balance for me. This is the main teaching I draw from learning the healing science and art of homeopathy. I will not go into too much detail, other than say this: With all the ascension talk, experiences and the likes, if you believe that polarity will cease to exist, you are mistaken. Even in the higher dimensions where we are headed there will be polarity. Perhaps our perception of polarity will stop being so "either/or - polarized", but it still will be there. There will always be evil if there is good - there will always be negativity, if there is the positive. There will always be the opposite of everything you hold dear. To push this opposite away, is to negate a part of who you are, a part of who the creator is, a part of the whole of creation. In fact, I go as far as to say, that if you are solely good, you are just as ill (dis-eased) as someone who is solely bad. (technically speaking) - of course one has an easier time dealing with a very good person...
I am not saying, start being bad people - what I am saying is, STOP denying and pushing away the negativity, STOP trying to "protect" yourselves from it - it doesn't work. STOP believing that you are disconnected and have to pray for connection. Realize that you ARE all that is, just as is the creator, you all ARE a particle of the whole and as such, you have the responsibility to integrate, not to divide.
At first, upon accepting the negative potential within us, we may toggle wildly between "good and bad" - eventually the waves will become tamer and the back and forth between the individual polar opposites will stop being so extreme. Balance is key, balance is health, balance is wholeness. Anything polarized is dis-ease, dis-connection.

Lightworkers - you have all been among the first to "get it" - now stop being stuck in the light, have courage, go through whatever it takes to integrate the negativity, that is necessary to show the light, integrate the whole thing, for as long as love and light are the only things in your reality, you are not whole and although the creator has infinite patience when it comes to the process of enlightenment, I am not sure that I do :)....
Let's defy the prophecy of "The first shall be last" and hop on the wagon to wholeness, balance and interconnectedness with ALL that is...

Courage and balance to all.
Crystal one to ONE