Nightime Thinking

As I walked into the yard last night I couldn't help but long for adventure in my life. I watched the preview for the movie Into the Wild and thought that the guy playing the lead could easily represent me. I could go across land without care and explore the unknown until I die. Sometimes my heart aches with the desire to run away from the confines of society. I believe I have been disciplined too long in what I strive for and although slowly, my fear of leaving everything behind diminishes as I keep moving toward a lighter way of living. One day I will not be able to ignore my heart's request any longer. But today I must first manifest financial security into my life so that my children have no concerns of having their needs met like I have so often in the past.

I often see movies that remind me of another age, but one that I would like to return to in which individuals appeared to have less than we do today because of all that has been accomplished in this time. Yet, I disagree. I believe I would be content surrounded by the sea and the sun setting beyond the horizon. I am grateful for the love I am surrounded with and all that I have learned. My children have taught me more than anyone about the secret to happiness. For this my heart is open and forever grateful. I will never take what they have taught me for granted. Despite this I still feel the burden this earth and those on it carry. There are so many blind to the way of freedom and continuously long for something better. Perhaps I was sent here to help increase understanding but am lost sometimes as to what to do. Being susceptible to human fears I sometimes hesitate in my actions when hearing my ego claim that I am fooling myself into thinking that any of this work makes a difference. And yet, there is still something pushing me further in the direction I know I am supposed to go. I am determined to teach my children to follow their hearts and never let another person tell them that they cannot fulfill their dreams for this is the only way to live. Otherwise, life would not be worth it. I will complete my mission here, no matter that challenge or no matter how many Angels hands on my back I need to push me along. Make the way I beg of you, for I know not how else to live...