So confused
I'll try to make this short,.. I've been made aware that I have a purpose as a light worker but,..I have to be honest..I know what it means in my heart but,... I think I have too many fears that I have not been able to work out..or maybe I am too lazy. I dont know which. I'm dealing with a broken heart, avoiding major depression *again* and still have to muster up the strength to face my past so I may find clarity. This has been too difficult for me right now, because I can not focus. I have a good heart and I want to be a light worker. I just get down a lot...I know it is part of the transition too but, sometimes I wonder if I am even cut out for it. I do not know much about crystals, colors etc,..and if I tried to study right now...i can't really focus. My kids are suffering *as in attention and guidance cuz of my self pitty* and I think I am putting myself in some danger (trying to find love---before I love myself again)
Does a Light worker for dummy’s book exist? I know what to do,..why am I not doing it? what is wrong with me? Is this even a good question for this tread? :/ I have a million questions,...I know I hold the answer to most,...why don't I allow myself to heal today?
I'm working on riding my fear, being impatient, short temper, paranoia *afraid of more lies*, semi controlling issues *because if you want something done right the first time...etc *, jealousy and self esteem. I am pretty strong and I know I can do this but,..I don't know why my will isn't there?...depression? and why do I feel it still? life is never going right for me but,..I know I am blessed,... ppl around me are going thru worst than me...
WHY AM I SO SELFISH? HOW CAN I FIX THIS .....SELFISH, SCARED LITTLE GIRL? I tend to give the best advice and help many but,...I CAN NOT HELP MYSELF?.... I fall on my bed crying a lot... i'm so confused... lack time, money etc etc. Is there hope for me even though I still have blinders? Its been too long since I have been hanging on...
I really need someone to talk to,..I don't even have friends,.they either party to much,..don't take me serious, are not like minded. I can’t hear my own thoughts either. has anyone gone thru this..and what can I do to motivate myself? ...something.anything.. btw..I have yet to mater meditation..:/
I said I would TRY to make it short..I did,.TRY SORRY and thank you for reading. Much love and respect
xoxo