christenwypy's blog

Last night I went to a dark place.

When I was a teen sometimes I would say "I wish I was dead" but I never really wanted to be. I have always loved life. Even when it is bad it's good.

Could it be? Have I DE-scended? Certainly feels as if I have.

I blogged yesterday about how perfect everything is and my realizations while fasting. Of course today I feel not quite as high. I'm a little unsure. I keep slipping like I spoke about before. Yet it just came to me that feeling bad is actually a gift. Each time I am able to keep it together through feeling bad I wind up showered in blessings and good feelings after.

I realize now that God is merciful. Not that He is a man in the sky (or even a man at all) that is judging us mercifully. Not at all. But God being consciousness, super consciousness, gives us second chances when we need them. At first what seemed like such hard work and so much effort is proving to be easier than what I was doing before.

I was just sent this in email and I wanted to share it with everyone-

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY', BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.

Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins:

I might be too tired to write this but here goes...

Saturday 8/16 was amazing for me. I was truly high on life. I don't mean just happy. I mean there were seriously some awesome endorphins being released inside of me and exploding like orgasmic dynamite all over me. It was so awesome. I am recounting it simply to help myself (and others) maybe pinpoint how to make this happen at will.

When I was first fully awakened in 1997 it was in the mountains at a place called Tripod Rock on Pyramid Mountain. I keep being told to write about this but I am not ready or Inever have the time cut out to really concentrate on it. I'll get there though. Regardless, I wanted to say that since that time that place has always been a source of strength for me.

I talked recently about how my negative emotions cause me to be dizzy and indecisive. It's like gettng high on a really bad drug where I can hardly function. I need an intervention.

For the past few days I have been having a hard time recognizing myself. For example, I was sitting in the living room chair with my feet up on the ottoman. This is our nighttime seat. The kids were on the chair with me and we were cuddled up reading a story.

I took my kids to the movies today. They have free movies for children at a local theater. The GPS took me a different way home and on my way I saw a sign that said, "Gymnastics" in a mini mall. I turned in to check it out since I have been wanting to sign my daughter up for gymnastics.