Birthday Reflections

It’s my birthday today!   I was born in Penang, Malaya, on 14th September 1963, two days before the Federated States of Malaya became the Federated States of Malaysia. When I was 30 years old, I thought that I wouldn’t make it to 44, let alone 45, because “Life” was too harsh for me, but here I am NOW.   I am happy that I have met so many caring and supportive friends here on Light Workers, and I have learned a lot from people here. In many ways, I am still “young”, that is, I look younger than what I am chronologically, and I still feel fresh or sharp regarding my ways of thinking, and I think that there are certainly some experiences which “traditionally” younger ones had or have, which I missed out on. This latter is a curious point with me, from the point of view that during my twenties, I shut myself down and although I would love to have got married and had my own children, such was not meant to be this time around.   I was scared or distrustful of men and I wrapped myself up in other worlds. I am inter-country adopted, and had no continuity with my ethnicity or culture as a Chinese person, although I was very interested in it.

At age 30, I was suicidal, so lonely, with so much pain from not letting myself fully love myself or anyone else, and not feeling loved. So lonely …. but my guardians and guides had certainly been helping me, to try to understand my daily earthly roles and lessons, through a dream I had when I was twelve years old, which alerted me to the fact that “something was not exactly right with me psychologically speaking” (after several in the family were abused). Also, at 30, I was guided to meet a man, with similar interests/values to me, whom lived in Chicago, U.S.A. – over the Internet – and this connection and new interest at a distance was one of the sparks that kept me alive.

 Some of the “Earthly” or 3-D type lessons I learned from all this are that  (1) “Life” in 3-D can be very tenuous or fragile and I know how it can “hang on the edge” at times, and (2) some people can exert “power” over others. Yes, I know our perceptions can be arbitrary, and I let myself perceive that others had power over me, but that is really no surprise, seeing as I was eleven years old when I was interfered with by someone older than me.   I believe that this experience was a “lesson” that I had set for myself, in order to experience the manifestation of the strong over the weaker (an adult over a child) so that I could guard against such “manipulation” after-ward, on behalf of myself and others.

 At age 30, I then went to see Counsellors and to a very good Support Group, and at age thirty two (1994), I met my current partner (boy-friend) but he is very different to me. In the year 2000, two years after we started living together, we nearly split up because in early 1998 he had become possessed by a “shove-in”,, i.e. a disincarnate spirit, whom led him into bullying behaviour toward me. Our angelic cat, Shandy, arrived on our doorstep on 31 December 1999, to keep us together.  The vexing behaviour of my partner went on for eight years, from 1998 to 2006, but I held the Light and showed un-conditional love toward him, because I do feel affection for him, and above all, I knew and know that we are meant to be together, to help each other along our journeys. We are together to show each other what the other part of the whole is like. In 2006, I met some Indigos, whom helped me to send the Shove-in spirit to the Light.

 It was not meant to be that I “settle into happy, married life, with my own children”, for the person I am with, was, and is not part of such a destiny.  So many questions have crossed my mind. Why am I with this person? Why did I not have my own family? Why? I asked these questions, not from self-pity, but because of my humanity. I answered them by telling myself that I am here on Earth for some other experiences or reasons. Then, sometimes I would ask myself what is my “purpose” or mission on Earth, and a couple of years ago, I actually had some “readings” with someone about my Indigo contracts. The reader, Laura Lee Mystycah, said that I had 17 contracts, including:

Inter-dimensional Portal designer/re-designer/dismantler

Scar Healer (of emotional and physical wounds)

Instrumental Evolutionary/Revolutionary

Truth Definer / Re-definer / Catapulter

After much reflection, a few of these “agreements” which I had apparently made with my Star family before I incarnated upon Earth, rang true with me and interested me a lot.   This does not mean at all that I am labelling myself or boxing myself into the aforementioned categories. Rather, to me, what was said are sign-posts or indicators of some of my abilities. I recognise the universality in these “contracts” and that the reader also channelled a contract type which was entirely new to her, being Inter-dimensional Portal designer/re-designer/dismantler, which she said means that I have the ability to take portals (energy vortexes) created by beings in the “dark forces”, and re-design or dismantle those which have no value to freedom and spiritual evolution of our planet and the Indigo Nation. After she said this, I was stunned, and thought to myself “Wow, that is great, but wait a minute, I don’t remember my doing that at all”. She also told me that Nikola Tesla is one of my Guides, and after that I started to research the Tesla coil and Tesla’s ideas of free energy, but I have not got very far with that research. 

 You see, I am a humble person, and I do not think that I am “better” than any other Living or non-living thing on Earth or in the Universe. I have never given much thought to those few of the supposed 17 contracts which have been revealed or relayed to me, because the process or experience, and the motivation or drive and the need behind my seeking such information is more important to me. However, the information which Misty gave me did serve to bolster up my spirit a little, and I say this not to claim that I am dependent upon the external for my self-esteem, but that, in my humanity, I was starved of good things being said about me. I liked what Misty said to me in the readings!

 I know there are those who have suffered a lot and whom are crying out “Why is this happening to me?” and “Will I meet so and so” or the like. “Enough is enough” – words which I spoke silently to myself two years ago, when I helped to expel the shove-in spirit from my partner. But know this, as a good friend once said to me, we are never given more than we can bear, as long as we hold onto the Spark that keeps us alive. Last year, I asked Spirit, “are my challenges over?” (hoping that they were) and I got a resounding reply, “NO”.   But I accept this, and I know also that I am one of the toughest (despite appearances).   My adoptive mother, who passed away before the Millenium, gave me a message early this year: “You can stand on your own two feet. Remember that, it is very, very important”.

 To me, standing on my own two feet means believing in my own efforts and decisions. There is so much information and offers of material support or advice around to help one discover one’s “purpose” - that we can find ourselves swamped by too much choice. We must let our Higher Self or our True Hearts guide us to that which we really need to encounter, in order to spiritually grow. This involves, I have found out, trusting and honouring or believing in oneself, which is really trusting in or letting oneself be guided by “All-that-Is”, because we are all parts of the One.

 Even while I was suffering the symptoms of our 3-D Earth going through her evolutionary process (i.e. the difficulties which manifested to me personally), there was ALWAYS the glimmer or seed of Love and Light from All-that-Is that kept me going.   If you are finding things stressful or difficult, know this, that there is that tiny yet so important and powerful flame, that is keeping you a-light.   You know this – indeed it is what keeps Light Workers going, through their trials and tribulations.

 Having said that, I have discovered that besides “hanging on by a thread” as it were, i.e. getting through Life buoyed by this Flame or glimmer of Divine One Light and Love, that one truly needs to love oneself to stand on one’s own feet. This has been very difficult for me, because I have so much love for “the other” and being a person whom is very much grounded on Earth, I have tended to see myself separate to “the other”.   However, I have found that through my intense will and determination to continue to “grow”, in order to do what I best do for the good of all, that my journey through my personal Life has led me to the earthly “arenas” or experiences which my Soul needs in order to see and accept myself. 

 I know that, in part, I survived my personal difficulties, through looking upon people and perceiving some as role models, and using the advice of people I trusted.  I was able to work out what was good advice for me, and I will ask for advice. I accept that while I was struggling to be who I AM, that I did my best, and shone a Light upon the Earth. I can identify with the feelings of shame, guilt, fear and anger that those human beings hold, who have been through experiences producing similar emotions, and I send all of my Love and Light (and the sharing of my own experiences) to those of my brothers and sisters who are going through such painful evolutions. Know that you are doing your very best, and love yourself. Discard the expectations of “society” and especially of yourself, for you ARE holding and spreading the Light and you are powerful and beautiful, and appreciated by human beings, as well as loved by your guardians and guides, as I am also.

 LOVE YOURSELF.

 If you grow, and if you love yourself, then all your questions will ultimately be answered by yourself, but may be prompted or guided by outer experiences and manifestations, which are sign-posts to what you need to understand and accept All-That-Is.   I have discovered something astonishingly simple for myself, in answer to a question that has been on my mind for so long  “What is my purpose or mission on Earth?”

My answer to myself is: TO BE ME

I accept this answer as my truth, because everything I have experienced or encountered in my 3-D (and other dimensional) forms are myriad parts of the One, and I as a human being and as a Spirit have an Essence that is my own.   I do NOT need to define that Essence, but rather to live it.

 Celebrate with me, today, on my “Birthday”, my lessons and experiences, my sharing, and my discovery that: