Birth of a star

Right around the millennium I experienced quite a number of rather extensive changes and found myself living on my own for the first time in my life. The changes actually started in the late 90’s, but this is when the pot really began to boil over. As I was approaching my 40th birthday I was trying to determine a memorable way to celebrate the dawning of the whole new life I was creating. I contemplated many options and for a while, a vision quest was at the top of the list. The vision quest has Native American roots and consists of going into the wilderness, fasting for a number of days and meditation. At this time I certainly was aware of the life that was in my recent past, and wanted to better understand where my life was heading, or better yet where I should be directing it. Well I was getting closer to my birthday on March 10th and the weather in Michigan is not really conducive to a vision quest. At that time I did not have the resources to travel too far and I was quickly running out of options. I desperately wanted this to be a memorable event and had no idea what was in store for me.

I was fortunate that my birthday was to fall on a weekend and this would give me some flexibility without taking time off from work. The deciding and planning continued to gnaw at me and was convinced that I’d travel as far south as I could get and would end up in Virginia or Indiana. I’ve done these driving trips before with no destiny in mind. I felt compelled to travel, not knowing how much this would become such a huge part of my life in just a few years. As the big day grew closer, I consulted and intuitive friend on just how to celebrate this event. I told her of the vision quest and told me all the red flags were going up. Hmmm, I thought. How will I celebrate the monumental event. Then it came to me. I would experience my re-birth at the exact time of my birth 40 years earlier. Turns out I was born at 5:05 AM in Detroit on March 10, 1962. OK, so now I had a plan that seemed to resonate with me. It was not as exciting to me as the vision quest, but I would make the most of it. I planned to set my alarm to get up in the middle of the night. I would meditate for a while upon exactly what I was expecting to get out of this event. Following the meditation, I would submerge myself in the jacuzzi tub and leave only my mouth and nose above water. I would leave the room dark and experience the weightlessness of it all and soak up the experience of anticipating my re-birth. Well the morning came and I set my alarm for 3:30 AM. I was so excited that I did not even wait for the alarm to go off and I was up even earlier. I filled the giant tub located in the upstairs bathroom. Then I began my meditation and blessing of the event I was preparing to embark upon. After what felt like about an hour I climbed into the tub. I had already left my watch on the side of the tub and was not quite sure how I was going to properly time this event, but felt like it’s been 40 years what’s the difference of 30 minutes going to make. I submerged my body while breathing only out of my mouth. Since this was still early in March, and in Michigan, the weather was doing its best to convince me that spring weather and calm breezes were a long way away.

As I lay in the tub, I could hear the wind howling outside even while completely submerged. I could also feel the gusts of causing the house to shake and the windows to rattle. At that point I was so thankful to be in the house and submerged in the warm water and not outside trying to keep the tent from blowing into the next county. Well I stayed under the water for what felt like a really long time. I thought about all the huge changes that had just recently taken place in my life. I thought about who the old Doug was and about the warrior I was becoming. This was not of my nature and so much of this was new to me. Life had been a constant battle with fear and what others thought. The old me would never do a re-birthing ceremony, nor would I have ever told anyone about it. There were so many changes occurring and I assured myself that I would surf this tsunami versus being pulled under and drown in its rip-tide. I was literally hanging on for dear life at this time. I had to continue moving forward and there was no turning back now. Any mistake felt like it would leave me stranded between my old life and life I was desperate to create. As I continued to feel and experience everything around me I became very content just floating. Although the water was cooling off, I was becoming more and more comfortable in the womb I had created. At this point I was not sure what time it was nor how I would determine the right time to emerge. It was then that I recalled my mom’s story of my birth.

My brother is just 13 months older than I am so it had not been too long since my mom had experienced contractions or the birthing process. The morning of my actual birth, my mom woke quite early. She indicated to my dad the contractions had started and that I was going to come fast – she just knew it. She said it was quite evident that I was not going to wait around for anyone to be ready. I was ready to come out and that’s all that mattered. Within 30 minutes my mom and dad were in the hospital on the east side of Detroit. They were no sooner in the door and my mom said that I was well on my way. They put my mom on a table with wheels and took her down to the delivery room. My father was still filling out the paper work and the cart was still rolling and I arrived before the doctor on call could get in the room. With all this in mind, it felt like something was wrong. In my rebirth, I was really enjoying floating and feeling all the commotion of the world close, but feeling completely isolated from it within my current reality.

So, I know the time to emerge had to be getting close and could have even gone by already. I was asking myself how am I going to do this? It was still not clear how to make my grand re-entrance. Then it dawned on me. I would completely submerge myself and hold my breath as long as I could. When I could not hold my breath one more second, then I would explode out of the water and welcome and embrace my new life. As I felt this was a good solution, I took a few deep breaths and then inhaled as much air as my lungs would hold. At this time, I pulled my face completely under water and laid my head on the bottom of the tub. As I lay there I was thinking about how exciting this new life is going to be. I knew there were more big changes coming and there was so much to see and do. At that time I had the strongest feeling that I was at the top of the roller coaster. The car had been pulled all the way to the top and had just stated over the edge. I could see what was in front of me and feel the anticipation of my new life. It was just then the car got stuck on a small pebble on the track and just stopped. Like some kind of cosmic joke. It was at that very second bubbles started to come out of my nose and rise to the surface. As the air came out of my nose, a small stream of water started to run into my nose and trickle down the back of my throat. I started to get really irritated that I was not ready to come out. I had only been completely submerged for about a minute and it was going to take almost three minutes of holding my breath to get what I felt was the desired effect. I had to stop the bubbles from coming out of my nose which in turn would keep the water from running in. Just as I pinched my nose, it caused water to squirt into my nose and I began to choke. I could not get out of the tub fast enough as my feet were sliding on the slippery surface. I finally manage to get my head above water, but could not get any air in. In my panic, I thrust my body against the side of the tub and was able to catch a very tiny breath. I soon began to sputter and eventually cough. As I hung over the side of the tub I thought what a way to die while trying to be re-born. How ironic it felt that was. At least two minutes had gone by and I finally got my breath and my heart had stopped pounding. It occurred to me that I was still alive and one way or another I had just experienced an amazing re-birth. At that moment I reached for my watch still sitting on the side of the tub. It read 5:07 AM. I could not believe it! How could this have been timed so perfectly? I figured that in my panic I must have emerged from the tub right around 5:05 AM. This would have been exactly 40 years from my actual birth. I estimated the couple minutes that went by catching my breath and recovering from the near drowning explained the additional 2 minutes.

Wow, what an experience I thought. I was truly thankful to be alive and I now felt alive! I had my whole new life in front of me and I was ready to take it on. The vision of the roller coaster actually stayed with me and it took about two years to remove the pebble that allowed the roller coaster to race down the hill. However, having stopped at the top, most of the hard work had already been done. When it finally broke free it was April 2004 on a trip to Sedona, Arizona. So, the wild ride continues, and I would not have it any other way.