Hope & Transformation - My Story

Dear beloved Light Workers,

I will post this blog in segments. PLEASE LISTEN TO THE WORDS OF MEA CUPA - FAITHLESS 1st on my playlist - The lyric's describe the state of mind I was enslaved into for a number of years.

Before reading this I would like you to know, I have also the privilege of a life full of the most fantastic & amazing experiences anyone could ever wish for. I honestly felt by the age of 30yrs I'd had lived seen, done & more in 20/30yrs than lots of people had by the age of 60/70yrs.

I share with you today the story of some of the obstacles/challenges placed before me, over the past years my of life, personal & emotional battles' which I needed to overcome. I have realised for some time now after what I would describe as a rather late clarion call, in the starting of my conscious awareness regarding any sort of esoteric knowledge (not having a clue). age person I am now is so far removed from the one 10yrs ago that for me its nothing less than miraculous. I hope that by sharing some of my life stories gives hope those who are experiencing extremely difficult times & feel like things are so unbearable & they just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. My hope is that by sharing some of my experiences with you, this may provide the incentive, strength & will to overcome whatever hurdle's they face!

I couldn't possibly tell the whole story here because it would end up a thesis. If anyone wishes to ask me more & its helpful in the slightest, I will, with the intention for the highest good of all.

In age 40yrs I was at such a low point in my life (deeper then an abyss). The last 10yrs I spent trying to cope with post-natal depression at 32yrs, subtle emotional & mental abuse by my husband, (what is known as passive aggressive) by the time you are aware of it its done too much damage especially to your confidence & self esteem, that you actually believe you the problem. A demanding business to run from home 7 days pw, all which lead to bouts of severe depression, anxiety & panic attacks. A Stay in hospital for(a nervous breakdown) in the psychiatric ward, whilst missing my daughters 3rd birthday just tells quite a few but not all, things that happened made for so far.as I mention

The day after my 40th birthday June 1998 (rock bottom) I overdosed, which obviously failed (thank the lord). Not so much a cry for help but no longer being able to bare the mental & emotional torture feeling unloved, no self worth, extreme arguments, every other day, anger, bitterness and revenge toward each other sending everything spiraling out of control. We were definitely the a wild hurricane. I was desperate to escape but didn't have the confidence or courage. He was transferred to a higher security facility.

When I was well enough return home a few weeks later my parents took Alex & I away for a short vacation, where I foolishly
stopped taking the diazepam oh dear didn't know your supposed do it very gradually. I giggle at myself yet again, Was I masochist remembering the vision of laying in bed shivering & shaking having to use a empty plastic soda bottle as a hot water bottle, 4 blankets while I'm in Spain & its 26 degrees. I can't eat scared to leave the bedroom most of the time, even to watch tv with my parents yes there was safety in my bet it was a fortress. I went to dr's soon as I got home I was to go back on them and come off gradually over three months! He to suddenly stop is as bad as cold turkey on heroine. Yeh never want to go there again!

I'll end this segment on a positive note, remember we never take on anything we can't handle, of this we are aware at a soul level.

I am still at this stage of my journey consciously unaware of anything spiritual, esoteric or otherwise. I'm agnostic.

God Bless you all
Much love
Jan is Shahn
NAMASTE