a very intense weekend!!!!!

Greetings!

i would like to thank each of you for sending so much love and light in my direction during my families loss. I myself had the biggest learning expierence thus far. there was 4 generations of my family flittering around this weekend...we actually have 5 generations wondering around in this country. i sat next to my great grandma. and just looked around at all the beautiful souls bouncing around. so many little ones..it was truly an amazing expierence. i asked her " do you see the gift that your baby left for all of us?" (her baby being my great aunt) My aunt deanna was 54 yrs old. and was the youngest in her genration. she has left behind two wonderful young men. and a wonderful husband. both of her boys were married. her youngest has two girls...and let me tell you they were amazing energy! her oldest son he is the same age as me...his wife is 6 months preganate. i guess really what im getting too.. well my aunts husband wasnt home when she passed. he drives truck and was in washinton when he got the news. the oldest steped up and became a man the other day. he had to make the call to his grandma, my great grandama.. My cousins have always kept their emotions within. so this weekend i spent reminding everyone that our bodies are like our vehicles we drive around in. the soul lives forever and so fourth. i will be honest. this was a very intense weekend. my aunt was a very private person. and well there was no funeral. so my family was taking everything personal. like her husband was being mean or something. i also had to keep going around to remind everyone how private my aunt was. and that in my heart she wouldnt want anyone seeing her in that condition. everyone began agreeing...but it still didnt stop our drama queens of the family talking... every time i came into the room....i would speek postives and pretty soon...the drama queens of my family were following me around trying to hush me. talk about learnign to stay centerd. just so everyone knows...I did it. i stayed centered. i gave my light and my love to everyone. i cradled my great grandma and my grandma...oh hell i cradled each of them like they were litttle girls. it was really rough and intenese. thankfully im not alone with my beliefs within my family. my grandmas brother and his wife are the two who came to me when i finally asked for guidance...they are lightworkers...and my girlfriend came down and met my whole family for the first time. the first night. when we went to bed. i cuddled up and asked her.."so you have met my whole family...are you sure you want to continue dating me. she melted my heart...she was like "Shelly you have such a beautiful family, and it was and honor to meet such beautiful people." this girl i swear i dont know how i would have got through this last weekend without her. also the day i finally broke and humbled and asked for the guidance...3 days after my great aunt and uncle came to me...her older sister introduced us...and my life has never been the same...and it will never be the same.
i laughed becasue looking around at all of those souls flittering around the house...made me realize all the diffrent reflections of my self. i asked everyone cant you see yourself at all diffrent stages of your life? cuz i truly saw the gift my great aunt left us...see my family love to share all the bad and gossip about one another. but no one ever knows the good stuff an=bout us... so in their eyes they were finally meeting this lesbian they have in the family. the one who wont listen to anyone,,, unfortunatly what my family doesnt understand...is i am the oldest of my genration on both sides of the family. and i am the one who will stop the cycle of negativty that runs rampent in my family. its like everyone fears doing anything wrong becasue my great grandma is so relegious. hopefully all of the young ones watched me this weekend. i hope that they saw the love that me and my great grandma share. so they wont fear losing her love like i did my whole life...its like i know what great talent lies dormant within my family unit. and we are a huge unit. 5 generations of us. my family is stagnant. but what i feeel and see within them is magical. i have also felt that i had an incrediably powerful family. and with our reconnection with one another...i figured out i wasnt wrong. our family has always lacked money... but i feel like my book has finally be lived...and my final chapter of that book was lived this last weekend...and when my book is written. it will be a best sellar.. and i will personally make sure that each member of my family and all others whom have touched my heart will never have to feel the lack of money that we all have felt for so many generations. anyways i guess im getting off track...but i will finaish this later. much love and light to all...
Shelly