I need help...and prayer... and healing...

Everything within me is screaming to not do what I am doing now.... See, I have always been free with my ideas and love for other people and even my emotions to some extentent. I never truly showed what I felt - only to a select few and I have shared with some of you on this site and you have been such huge blessings... thank you... This morning though, I have sort of come to a place where I realise I cannot fight of everybody, I cannot keep everybody out, I need to learn to trust, others, but probably mostly myself.... I was married for 16 yrs. I sat listening to other women speak about their heart ache and the reasons for their divorce and I heard stories of abuse etc....and then it dawned on me that my own 'story' is worse than all of them, but I am still married to the man who is killing my spirit... he almost succeeded. I walked into the sea and wanted to die, I begged God to take me.... The only answer I received was to go back home - I have kids... I went back for my kids but 5 days later left the marriage and started divorce procceedings... Today it has been 16 months and still trying to divorce him... Being married to him was soul destroying, trying to divorce him is all consuming and I am worried that being divorced from him is going to be a full time job because of everything I have to do to keep him a part of our children's lives..

In all of this, I have also met my true soulmate...He is not talking to me. I understand that that is his journey and that this is what we aggreed to. I need to let him make his choice, even though the choice might be the one I don't want him to make. But for now, in this dimension, I am having a tough time and am at war with myself - understanding but wanting it and needing it to be different.

I cannot take medication for depression, it makes the darkness darker.. It is like someone blowing out the candle flame. I can barely see and then whatever hope there was, is taken away...That is besides the physical side effects - some of whihc are embarrasing and others just painfull...

This morning I am without hope. This morning I feel broken beyond repair. This morning I am loosing my will to live...
I would appreciate it, if some of you could find a little time to pray for me.

Thank you
Love and Light
Joyce

I would therefor appreciate it if