Becoming more of myself

august 23, 2008 10:28 pm my time

ever since i became part of lightworkers.org, i feel that i have become more spiritual. i got my morning rituals back. i clean my room, water the plants, light the altars, do my yoga, angel card readings and meditations.

and then i take time to remember me a year ago...

but before i indulge on that... let's take a look at my life...

when i was 3 years of age, i was already being trained in the art of Divination. I got it from my Mother and my Aunts. But when my mother died, when i was 17, i wanted to preserve one thing that she gave me --- divination. "Coincidentally" (as i used to call it lol before i realized and learned that there was no coincidence in my life...) when i was visiting a bookshop, a card set caught my eye. it was the angel oracle by Ambika Wauters.

I bought it and my whole spiritual path started to be shown to me (finally!)... i gained interest in angels and actively participated, cooperated and followed them... i had my ups and downs... and if there is one thing that i know that constantly happens to me --- that is i always attract witches that needed guidance.

and there were four of them... i have been teaching and guiding them for 6 years... but due to some meant to be unfortunate events... we parted. it was so painful for me... i decided to stop and ignore all those who needed my help. ALTHOUGH i kept my charity work, free readings yahoo group... i just felt that i was not as passionate about it anymore than i used to...

my readings were flat and i must admit were not made out of love anymore. it's like HERE... HERE'S THE MESSAGE. nothing more... nothing less... no words of comfort or care... just the answer.

and during those times, i tried pursuing a mundane life. i got back to school again after finishing two courses (one i know of... the other i didn't... i just found out recently due to my uhm... "funny" ability to get all the classes that i thought was required and it turns out it wasn't... it was required for other courses not mine lol) ANYWHO... i took a masteral class... then i got an odd job as a tarot reader... then i started exploring on goddess worship... inner goddess... self-empowerment... psychology books etc.

i started exploring and developing myself with the course of the mundane... not the spiritual if you know what i mean. i bought clothes that i was not able to buy for myself... i took vacations that i missed for the past 6 years... i spent money on myself finally... i really indulged in spoiling myself with the earthly goods.

i was happy... for 365 days. but after that... things were no longer as good.

there was something missing... i tried going back to who i was before... the angels gave me two witches to guide right now... one of them is also a lightworker... but i just felt that there was still something missing. but since i have found this site, i felt more... ME... than i was 6 years before...

i don't know what's up with this site but everything i write here, for the first time in my life, IS PURE TRUTH... in my blogs... and journals, i always have to blur things out... but finally... i have found a place to be really me.

so, i just want to say thank you so much! i love this place.