I am afraid to Love Again

I must confess that I am truly afraid to open my heart and fall in love again..I do want to but...I am afraid.

Afraid of getting hurt, afraid of not knowing how to be around a guy anymore, afraid of loving too much, afraid of not loving enough, or getting tire too fast.

In the relationships I've been, most of the time I get tired..I have been hurt, but mostly I am the one who ends up the relationship. So I am wondering if perhaps I have some kind of disfunctional soul..lol, perhaps my relationship with my father never healed and therefore I can't fully trust, love and open up to LOVE.

And at times I seem to attract only loosers, or needy men.. I am truly full of love, but sometimes I just don't know what's going on in my heart?

Sometimes I don't feel attractive enough, or pretty enough, and that creates somehow insecurities, although I try to put a tough face, I am very much like the Queen Of Cups(if you know tarrots)..lol

I get lonely at times and by the way I write some of my poetry...is obvious I want to love, I want to feel the magic again but again.....I am afraid. Can any one of my soul family here help?? or help me understand why am I this way?

I thank you all, for your Love, Compassion and being my soul family.
I love you all with all my heart..

Darien